Islamic topics- Miscellaneous Topics- Lesson (080): The civilized concept of success – Your relation with Allah, your family, your work and your health.
Last update:2012-05-16
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Praise be to Allah, the Lord of Creations, and Peace and blessings be upon our prophet Muhammad, the faithful and the honest.
 Oh, Allah, we know nothing but what You teach us. You are the All- Knower, the Wise. Oh Allah, teach us what is good for us, and benefit us from what You taught us, and increase our knowledge. Show us the righteous things as righteous and help us to do them, and show us the bad things as bad and help us to keep away from them.
  O Allah our Lord, lead us out from the depths of darkness and illusion, unto the lights of erudition and knowledge, and from the muddy shallows of lusts unto the heavens of Your Vicinity.

Success should be in all aspects of life:

 Dear brothers, I would prefer to tackle one of the most important issues in this lecture, which is “Success”.
 Success can’t be taken into account if it is partial, rather it should be inclusive. The utmost problem I happen to see through the years of proselytizing is that someone might be very successful in the mosque or at work, yet, he is not successful as a husband. Another one might be a top notch husband, yet, at work he is not. Someone else might be good at his work and as a husband, yet, he doesn’t have a successful relation with Allah, and so forth. Hence, to define success within the perspective of civilization, I would say that success won’t count unless it is inclusive, and unless you were successful in your connection with Allah, with your wife and kids, with your family, at work, and in your health, otherwise, any lack of any of these items will negatively affect the rest of the items, and this is the facts of matter.
 Being morose at home and having bad connection with Allah is a punishment from Allah, and in such cases you will lose the respect of your wife, and she might cross the line and insult you, to which you respond with harshness, so eventually she will leave home to her family house, and as a result the house will be disturbed, you will be upset at work, the kids will lose their mother, no food in the house, no care taking, and you won’t be normal at work. This sequence of events starts with a bad connection with Allah, and ends up affecting your family, your work and your health.
 On the other hand, if you start caring less about your health through eating everything regardless food quality, this will reflect on your Salat, as you will find it hard to perform prayers, and you will end up in the maze of medications that is prior and after meals and so forth. Therefore, in this case you start with neglecting your health and you end up affecting your connection with Allah.

Success constituents in life:

1- One’s success in the relation with Allah:

 Believe it or not, the real success is the inclusive one, and that is fulfilled when you are dutiful towards your Lord (Allah), and you should remember that there are acts of worship through the day that is not accepted by Allah at night, and there are acts of worship at night that are not accepted by Allah through the day.

1- Finding answers to your doubts:

 You should start fixing your relation with Allah, and find answers for all the doubts you might have, such like: Why did Allah create people like that? Where is Allah? Why are Muslims in hardship suffering earthquakes, floods, and civil wars? Whereas Atheist countries are in prosperity, this is another doubt one might have. If you ask scholars they will give you a marvelous answer that goes as follows:
 Suppose, by way of example, that we have two patients, the first one is suffering from curable gastritis, so, though the doctor is merciful, yet he goes rigid on him, preventing all kinds of food that will hurt his stomach and asking him to drink milk, why is he doing so? That is because this gastritis is curable and the doctor is acting for the best interest of this patient by asking him to follow special diet in order to treat him. Whereas the second patient has a spread cancerous tumor in his intestine and has only one month to live, so when he asks that same doctor: what should I eat? The doctor will say to him: Eat whatever you like.

((So, when they forgot (the warning) with which they had been reminded, We opened to them the gates of every (pleasant) thing, until in the midst of their enjoyment in that which they were given, all of a sudden, We took them to punishment, and lo!))

[Al-An’am, 44]

 Find answers for your doubts like: How come Allah the Almighty know? Why did He create the Kafer since Allah knows that he will be a kafer (atheist)?

((So ask of those who know the Scripture [learned men of the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)], if you know not.))

[Al-Nahl, 43]

 Find answers for your doubts, as Allah will test you with hardship.

2- Fulfilling your desires in Halal ways:

 In regard of desires: Every desire Allah installed in man but has Halal way to be fulfilled through, as there is no deprivation in Islam, like when you long for a woman, simply get married, the Prophet PBUH said:

((Allah’s help is granted to three people: the one who strives in the cause of Allah, the debtor who contracts his debt in order to pay it back, and the one who is seeking marriage in order to be chaste))

[Tirmizi, by Abu Huraira]

 I am addressing the youth: Ask Allah for chastity, and invoke Him saying: O, Lord, grant me a pious wife, whom by looking at I will be pleased, she will honor me in my absence, and she will obey me when I order her.
 Lower your gaze, as lowering your gaze is like saving money in a piggy bank, and the more you lower your gaze towards women, the more gold dollars you are saving, and this piggy bank will be opened on your wedding day, as Allah will reward you for being pious in your behavior before marriage (Allah will bless you with a happy married life). But be ware that lowering your gaze is not just before marriage, and it is not to be rewarded by a pious wife who is considered as worldly life paradise, but it is required after marriage either.

((Our Lord! Give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good))

[Al-Baqarah, 201]

 And “good” in worldly life is the pious wife. This is the interpretation of this Ayah:

(( Our Lord! Give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good))

 The pious wife by definition is the one whom by looking at you will be pleased, she will honor you in your absence, and she will obey you when you order her.

3- Be keen on performing Al (Fajr) in congregational Prayer:

 You should be keen on performing Al (Fajr), and you can go to sleep early, where is your will? Where is your time management? All your business appointments should be over at 10 or 11 PM, go to sleep and you will find yourself fully awake at Azan Al Fajr (the call for down prayer). Go to the mosque, read Quran, and mention Allah the Almighty, and by doing so, you will find the rest of your day as a piece of happiness, prosperity, righteousness, clear vision, wise decision and everything will be smooth for you.

((He who offers the dawn (Fajr) prayers will come under the Protection of Allah till sun set))

[Al Tabarani, by Ibn Omar]

 What do you say? Go to sleep early my brother, put a plan after you wake up, i.e. quarter an hour to meditate, quarter an hour to mention Allah, quarter an hour for Salah, recite 6 pages of Quran, do your laudation and then plan for your work, don’t keep the things you are going to do in your mind only, rather write them down and put them in a business agenda so that you won’t forget anything saying: “Glory be to Allah I forgot”, why should you forget? Write down what you are going to do.

((Write down your knowledge lest you forget it))

[Tabarani, by Ibn Omar]

 Al Fajr Salah is your solution to mend your connection with Allah. One might say: “I am a believer, I don’t kill, fornicate, or drink wine”, these major sins are not what we are talking about as you don’t do them, yet, our problem lies in the minor sins, but a minor sin could be like a major one, how?
 Suppose, by way of example that you are riding your car on a 60 meter wide road, with a ravine on the right and on the left, the major sin is like turning the steering wheel ninety degrees angle and go straight to the ravine, whereas the minor sin is like turning the steering wheel by only one centimeter and fixing it, and this will take you after a while down to the ravine, hence the minor deviation turned into major deviation.

((Minor sins are no longer minor with determination (repeating doing them) ))

[Ibn Al Munther and Daylamee, by Ibn Abbas]

 As for the 90 degrees deviation, it could be fixed in a second and you will be saved, but the constant deviation by one centimeter is not fixable, and it will lead you down to the ravine.

4- Keeping your home free of sins and Islamic law’s violation:

 You should always check your house, are there any sins taking place? Are you pleased with the way your wife is dressed up? Is she going against your will, and you have the feeling that she is not pleasing Allah? How about your daughters? Do they wear cloths exposing their flesh while going out with you? Is your wife wearing Hijab? Are your daughters wearing Hijab? Are you keen on performing prayers at your home as a family? Is your house Islamic oriented? Is there any Haram in your earning? Do you sell dice for example to make a living?

((Whoever plays with dice, it is as if he were dipping his hand in the flesh and blood of a pig))

[Abu Dawood and Ibn Hayan and Al Hakem, by Abo Mosa]

 Do you deal in Haram goods to earn your living? Do you have haram affairs in your business? Do you lower your gaze when you deal with women? You should observe your house, your work, you should be keen on performing your prayers, laudation, reciting, you should lower your gaze, and apply Islam at your house instead of listening to songs all day long, as singing is Haram, whereas Anasheed (Islamic songs) are not, or you can listen to Quran reciting instead of having a wide screen with 200 channels and your children are changing channels day and night, as in that case you are in a serious problem. Where are you heading? I am not saying cancel it, rather you can control it and keep the Islamic channels where there are no violations, and I know of some Islamic channels which require special satellite receiver.
 Righteousness is achievable, and you can control your house.
 Do you have a balkoni through which you can watch your neighbor’s daughters? Then use a screen and block Satan’s way and sin’s path.
 In order to mend your connection with Allah, your entity should be free of lusts, your creed should be free of doubts and your behavior should be free of desires.
 When you do so, you will clear out your way to Allah and you will interact with Him in your prayer, because you overcame all the barriers in your way to Him, you got answers to all your doubt, and you removed the veil of sins between you and Him.
 Actually, many Muslims turn the radio on and listen to the music in their houses all day long, but when guests come to them, they turn it off, is not that a sin? For that reason, although we are Muslims, nevertheless, Allah has not fulfilled His Promises for us yet (because we are not real Muslims and we don't deserve that). Allah the Almighty says:

((Allah has promised those among you who believe, and do righteous good deeds, that He will certainly grant them succession to (the present rulers) in the earth))

[An-Nur, 55]

 Are we granted succession in the earth (nowadays)? Definitely we are not.

((and that He will grant them the authority to practise their religion, that which He has chosen for them (i.e. Islam)))

[An-Nur, 55]

 Are we well-established on earth (nowadays)? Definitely we are not.

((And He will surely give them in exchange a safe security after their fear))

[An-Nur, 55]

 Do we have safe and security (nowadays)? Definitely we don’t.
 A young man heard the following hadith from his scholar:

((O, son, there is a punishment for every sin))

[Mentioned in the relic]

 So he sinned, and waited for Allah’s punishment, but it didn’t come, and he was fine in his health, house, and car, so he invoked Allah saying: “O, Lord, I sinned but you didn’t punish me”, then he felt the answer in his heart as follows: “O, my slave, I punished you and you don’t’ know it, didn’t I take away from you the happiness of talking to Me secretly?” Isn’t that enough as punishment? You are not crying any more when you pray, your heart turned into a piece of stone, your eyes don’t’ well up when you recite Quran, rather than you get bored while reciting it, and you don’t feel anything when you recite it, when you pray, or when you remember Allah, and if this is the case, then you should know that you don’t have a heart any more, and that you have a serious problem.
 The first constituent in success is to be successful in your relation with Allah, to have no doubts in your Aqidah, and not to commit major or minor sins and to repent right away when you have one.

((Minor sins are no longer minor with determination (repeating doing them) ))

 A man told me two days ago that his daughter is old enough now and she doesn’t wear hijab. Well this is a problem, and you lack awareness, you were heedless in rearing and in disciplining her when she was a little girl.

2- One’s success in the relation with his wife:

 You should at least treat your wife the way you treat people around you, namely, why are you so keen on your reputation, you apologize to a person if you wronged him, you give him a gift as reconciliation, or you say sorry when you harshly treats him. Why are you righteous with all the people around you, but very cruel with your wife, your life partner ? As you never apologize to her, and you mock her and her family, and this kind of behavior will make her hate you, won’t respond to you, and there will be no more love between you and her.

((…and a good word is charity))

[Agreed upon]

 Keep in mind, that your wife will serve you a hundred times more with pleasure when you say to her when you come home: May Allah give you health and I am so happy to have you as a wife.
 A Lot of wives call me over the phone complaining about their husbands, and one of them said: it has been eight years and he has never said to me a nice word, all he does is just eat, read the newspapers and then go to sleep. Well, this is a woman that you have, and she is waiting for your coming for eight hours, so at least say a nice word or give her a loving look.
 Your relation with your wife is another constituent of your success in life, she has her dignity, and she has a family, as you shouldn’t discriminate by being good to your mother but not to hers, why do you get furiously angry if your wife speaks against your mother, while you speak against her mother?!! This is an act of partiality, because both of them are not sinless, instead, you should respect her and her mother and father, and you should remember that those parents are the people who reared her, educated her, raised her on noble morals, she doesn’t bad mouth anyone, and after that her parents gave her to you as a gift, but what have you done in return? You are hurting them by hurting their daughter, these are acts of monsters.
 Your in-laws are like parents to you, and when you treat them with respect she will melt in love with you. You should let her see her family as you do to your family, instead of saying: “I don’t want her to get used to that”, while you are visiting yours every day, you should treat others as you like them to treat you.
 The houses are full of domestic conflicts, and most men have bad relation with their wives and children, why? Why does your daughter resort to her room when you come home? It is because you broke her heart by turning down the poor religious man who asked to marry her, and you want another rich one instead as a husband for her.
 By Allah, a husband and a wife who happen to be doctors in Damascus turned down the perfect husband for their daughter just because he is living in the suburb.
What bigots you are? Who do you think you are?
 Your true success is in the moment you enter your house, and when it turns into an Eid for your wife and children (out of love), but if you were the otherwise, it will be Eid for them when you leave the house (out of hate because of your bad mouth and treatment).
 Believe it or not, I know homes that are just like paradise, and all the family welcome the father the moment he steps in the house kissing his hand out of respect. I am not fabricating the other cases, as these are real stories that I know of, when a man is the nicest out of his house, but a monster inside.

((hard and distressful))

[Al-Insan, 10]

 Your son has no one else to turn to except you, has he? I want you to turn your house into paradise, and believe me this has nothing to do with how big it is, and it has nothing to do with the quality of food or cloth, but it has to do with love which is needed, and it has to do with mending your relation with Allah, and fixing your relation with your wife and children.

3- One’s success at his work:

 We still have to talk about your work: you as a believer have a certain personality and position, so you shouldn’t be tardy, like running late for a whole hour, because this will make your manager offend you by saying in front of your students if you were a teacher for example: “how careless you are? How negligent you are?” In that case, you will lose all your position and loftiness (in the sight of your students) because you were tardy, and the principal has all the right to say what he said, as your students need you to teach them, so when something like this happens at your work, your relation with Allah will be affected, so you might skip praying Zuhur because you are upset and humiliated by the principal, not to mention that you will go home frowning. Therefore, be punctual in your appointments, manage your time and errands, and fulfill your duties. This will grant you comfort at your work, in your house, and your position and loftiness will be saved.

4- One’s success in his/her health:

 You should watch what you eat, and you should work out, and remember that we make use of only ten percent of what we eat to keep us alive, and the rest will keep the doctors alive.
Do you know what is ghee, you are using for food, is made of? You should know that nutrition techniques are so advanced that they can use all the remains in the butchery such like the eyes, the horns, the intestine and so forth, and they use them all to make ghee, and it is introduced to you as butter of the best quality. Did you educate your self in regard of nutrition? There should be a health guidance book in every house in order to gain nutritional knowledge. You should know that healthy food is not expensive while bad harmful food is very expensive.

((Eating much sweeps away prudence))

[Tabarani, by Ibn Abbas]

 Watch what you eat, and resort to dairy products, fruit, and healthy food, and we are blessed with drinkable tap water back in Damascus, which is rarely to be found in the five continents.
You should know all about what you eat, the nutrition you should have, and the bad food you should avoid like salt and cancerous food.
 Do you know that rice has 600 calories while nuts have 1200 calories? When you are old enough you should keep your body in shape, write down a list of food you can eat, and list of food that you can’t eat, also kids have nutrition suitable for their age in order to grow up, while the father has to have special food so he won’t get fat, not to mention that we should watch our food behavior and habits.
 Because of the negligence of our nutrition, we are paying half our income on medications.
 Diseases are the outcome of lack of awareness in regard of food and what should we eat and what should we don’t eat.
 Some western industries, and out of malice, put a substance in the drinks causes addiction to the one who drinks it, and as a result, drinking much of these soft drinks will make your children addict to it, so instead of bringing these kinds of drinks, encourage your kids to drink lemonade, yogurt or any natural drink.
 I don’t want to go into the details of this matter, but I suggest that there should be a health guidance book in every house to tell you what to eat, what to drink, what to avoid, what hurts the stomach, what hurts the intestine, and what hurts the heart.
 There should be a minimum level of health awareness in every house.


 Success never counts unless it is inclusive.
 When someone accepts to work for a whole year out of his country for a salary as double as his salary inside his country, he will be losing his wife and kids in this entire year, as there is no one to rear the kids and look after the wife. Does it worth it to work in a foreign country and your wife sins in your absence, what did you gain? Nothing!
 Your success should be inclusive and should include your relation with Allah, your relation with your family and children, your relation with your work, and your relation with your health, and this is the real triumph.
 Remember always to manage your matters, to meditate, to write down all your troubles, and try to find a solution for them, like when your son get home late and you believe him when he says that he was with his friend, as he might be lying.
 Be keen on your children’s prayers lest they resort to pornography websites, and this will be a serious problem.
 What used to take little effort fifty years ago, nowadays will take ten times effort to pay in order to manage your relation with your sons, daughters, wife, house, work, health and your relation with Allah.

Translation  : Noura Al-Sharabi
Edited by      : Rana Saraqbi