Lesson 11: Golden Principles of Dealing with Others in Life
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In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, and peace and blessings to our Master Muhammad, the Faithful and the Honest. O Allah, we know nothing but what You teach us, You are the All- Knower, the Wise. O Allah our Lord, teach us what is useful for us, let us make use of what You have taught us and advance us in knowledge. O Allah, show us the righteous things as righteous and help us do them, and show us the bad things as bad and help us keep away from them. O Allah our Lord, make us amongst those who listen to the Word and follow the best meaning of It, and admit us, by Your Grace, to the ranks of Your righteous servants.
Golden principles of dealing with others:
1- Highlighting others' merits and virtues helps them rise above their faults:
Dear noble brothers, let us begin a new topic.
There are new fields of study that have emerged in recent times, such as business management, family management, and self-management, that is to say managing yourself, your family, or your work, as well as managing one's relationships with others, or how to deal effectively with people.
Actually, these new fields of study are the essence of the life experiences of successful people, and there are hundreds of books about them, then a distinguished scholar gave a concise summary of these books, focusing on specific points that everyone needs for managing himself, his family, and his job, or how to deal with others.
The first of these points is: Mentioning merits and virtues of others can help them rise above their faults. For example, if you have a righteous wife, and from time to time you praise her righteousness, loyalty, affection, and service, this praise has an unbelievable effect; it deepens the bond between you both.
The Mother of the Believers Mrs. A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, asked the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, "How deep is your love for me?" He replied, "As strong as the knot of a rope." Then, she would ask him from time to time, "How is the knot?" and the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, would reply, "As strong as it always."
Does your wife, who is always with you, who serves you, cooks for you, etc., not deserve to hear your praise from time to time?
I repeat: It was reported in the relic that the Mother of the believers Mrs. A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, asked the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, "How deep is your love for me?" He replied, "As strong as the knot of a rope." So, it became a secret code between them; from time to time she would ask him, "How is the knot?" and the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, would reply, "As strong as always!"
Some husbands are really foolish, sorry to describe them as such, for their wives have never heard a word of gratitude from them throughout their lives, but rather, they are always threatened with divorce.
I knew a man who would constantly threaten his wife with divorce. One time, I said to him, "My brother, either divorce your wife or never utter the word 'divorce' again! This constant threat has caused severe damage to your marital relationship."
Our Master Mu'adh Ibn Jabal, may Allah be pleased with him, had a conversation with the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, and the following is some of what they talked about:
(( Then he (may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him) said, "Shall I not tell you of the foundation of all of that?" I said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah." So, he took hold of his tongue and said, "Restrain this." I said, "O Prophet of Allah, will we be taken to account for what we say with it?" He (may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him) said, "May your mother be bereaved of you, O Mu'adh (meaning: what a serious matter you are asking about!) Is there anything that drags people on their faces - or he said: on their noses - into the Hell Fire except the harvests of their tongues (meaning the results of their words)?" ))
Regarding the same point here is another Hadith:
(( Narrated Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said: "A slave of Allah may utter a word which pleases Allah without giving it much importance, and because of that Allah will raise him to degrees (of reward): a slave (of Allah) may utter a word (carelessly) which displeases Allah without thinking of its gravity and because of that he will be thrown into the Hell-Fire seventy autumns (meaning seventy years)." ))
Such a man will be thrown into the Hellfire, to a depth that would take seventy years to fall through, because of a single word!
(( "O Prophet of Allah, will we be taken to account for what we say with it?" He (may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him) said, "May your mother be bereaved of you, O Mu'adh (meaning: what a serious matter you are asking about!) Is there anything that drags people on their faces - or he said: on their noses - into the Hell Fire except the harvests of their tongues (meaning the results of their words)?" ))
One more time: The first point in this blessed meeting is acknowledging and praising the merits and virtues of others, such as your wife, your children, even your neighbors, or your business partner, etc. because praising them in this way deepens your relationship with them in an amazing way. For example, if you are married for about 50 years, is it reasonable to spend all these years without thanking your wife for even the food she has been cooking? Your wife has no one else to provide her emotional support but you; if she does not hear any praise from you, her heart may soften toward another man when he praises her.
Please pay deep attention to the following words: If your wife does not hear any praise from you, she may feel emotionally drawn to another man when he praises her. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire ﴿
A woman should not speak in a soft manner while talking to non- mahram men. So, if you praise your wife sincerely and without exaggeration from time to time, this praise can strengthen your marital relationship.
As for your son, if he is honest but not very good at math, what should you say to him? Do not scold him only for not being good at math before highlighting his good qualities, such as his honesty. You might say to him, "I am so proud of your honesty, but your math skills need some improvement." Thus, always start by mentioning others' positive points, then address their shortcomings.
I would like to share with you a story from the Prophetic Sirah (biography) that highlights this point. While the noble companions, may Allah be pleased with them, were praying in congregation led by the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, with complete submission to Allah, a man entered the masjid late, and he hurried his steps between the rows, causing annoying noise in the masjid, trying to catch the first rak'ah with the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him. So, how did the Noble Prophet advise him? Please reflect carefully on his words; he said:
(( May Allah increase your eagerness, but do not do that again. ))
What a careful attention in handling matters! The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings said to him:
(( May Allah increase your eagerness, but do not do that again.
))
Actually, all people in positions of responsibility, such as fathers, mothers, teachers, instructors, university professors, department directors, etc., need this advice; everyone from the lowest social position to the highest leaders are in need of this advice: Never forget others' positives and keep your tongue engaged in the remembrance of Allah the Almighty and in highlighting others' good traits.
There is a kind of people who can be likened, according to my own point of view, to snipers; whenever one of them notices a mistake from others, he spreads it to everyone, while whenever he sees something good, he never speaks about it.
Whoever does not mention any virtues and focuses only on negatives is as far from Allah the Almighty as the earth is from the sky. That is why it was said, "Mentioning merits and virtues can help lessen effects of faults."
The Prophet, may Allah's peace and Blessings be upon him, used to highlight the good qualities that distinguished each one of his noble companions. For example, he praised our Master Suhaib Ar-Rumi, may Allah be pleased with him, saying:
(( What an excellent servant of Allah Suhaib is! ))
What a remarkable description! The Hadith went as follows:
(( …His knowledge of and love for Allah were so deep that disobedience would never occur to him, even if fear were hypothetically absent. ))
Also, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, praised our Master Salman Al-Farisi, may Allah be pleased with him, saying:
(( Salman is one of us, O People of the Household of the Prophet. ))
As for our Master Bilal Al-Habashi, may Allah be pleased with him, whenever the noble companions mentioned him, they also mentioned his Master Abu Bakr As-Seddiq, may Allah be pleased with him, saying, "Abu Bakr is our Master, and he freed our Master; Bilal Al-Habashi."
There is no place for racism in Islam; our Master Suhaib Ar-Rumi was from the Byzantine (Roman) Empire region, nevertheless, the Noble Prophet praised him saying:
(( What an excellent servant of Allah Suhaib is! ))
Also, the Prophet praised our Master Salman Al-Farisi (who was originally from Persia), saying:
(( Salman is one of us, O People of the Household of the Prophet. ))
In contrast, when it comes to Abu-Lahab, who was the Prophet's uncle, Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Perish the two hands of Abu Lahab (an uncle of the Prophet) and perish he! ﴿
Islam is an objective religion:
Islam is based on objective principles. Thus, as I have mentioned, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, used to praise the unique virtues of each one of his companions. For example, he praised our Master Khalid, may Allah be pleased with him, for his bravery and called him, "One of the Swords of Allah." Moreover, he praised our Master Abu Ubaidah Ibn Al-Jarrah, may Allah be pleased with him, for his trustworthiness and called him, "The trusted one of this Ummah." So, keep your tongue busy with the Remembrance of Allah and accustom yourself to praising others' positive qualities more often.
Does your faithful sincere wife who serves you day and night not deserve your appreciation?! Is it reasonable that she has never heard a single word of praise from you?
Is it reasonable that you have never praised your pure modest daughters once?! Praising others strengthens your relationship with them. Of course, this praise should be objective and moderate, otherwise it might seem like mockery. So, accustom yourself to offer sincere, moderate praise from time to time, because it deepens your bond with those around you.
One of my brothers in faith here in Amman told me that He added up the electricity, water, and telephone bills of his house for twelve months, divided the total to calculate the average monthly expenses, then told his children, "If you spend less than the average amount, I will give you the money you saved." He said to me, "They made sure every unneeded light in the house was switched off, since they would be rewarded for reducing their expenses, and they became amazingly disciplined."
I have a modest experience with my own children. I put a reasonable amount of money in a drawer in my office, along with a notebook and a pen, and say to them, "You can take whatever amount of money you want, but please make sure to write it down." In this way, a child will never feel a sense of deprivation; if he wants to buy some food that costs half a dinar, for example, he can simply take it from the drawer and write it down. Hence, your child, will never feel deprived, because you make things easy for him. Verily, there are great strategies for raising children.
I spent forty years in education, and I never scolded a student. I would always carry a notebook and say to my students, "You have the right to make five mistakes through the whole academic year." So, if a student did not do his homework once, I just put a mark in front of him name at the notebook mark, without scolding him or asking him to bring his father the next day, or even getting agitated. Instead, I would say to him, "You have the right to make five mistakes in a year, and this is the first one!"
I disciplined my students just by putting marks. Also, I would always say to my university students or even to those who come to this masjid to attend my lessons, "If you have any criticism of me, just write it down on a piece of paper", and I read those papers from time to time. If someone is embarrassed, I would ask him to write his criticism without mentioning his name.
Encouraging and accepting criticism:
Dear noble brothers, kindly consider the following point: when you accept criticism, you will be elevated to a higher status in the Sight of Allah the Almighty, but when you reject it, your rank will be lowered in His Sight.
You should follow the example of the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, who would consult his noble companions, even though he is the Master of creation, the beloved of Allah the Truth, the best of mankind, and the greatest human being on earth.
Before the battle of Badr, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, chose a location for the army, but one of his noble companions (Habab ibn al-Mundhir), asked the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, with utmost politeness and sincere love, "O Messenger of Allah, do you see this place? Is it a place that Allah has chosen for us to advance or retreat from? Or is it a strategic decision for war and ambush?" The Noble Prophet replied, "It is indeed a strategic decision for war and ambush." Habab continued, "O Messenger of Allah, this is not a place to stay. Please rise with the people until we reach the nearest water source to the enemy, where we can camp and block access to the wells behind us. Then we can build a reservoir, fill it with water, and fight the enemy. We will have water to drink while they will not." The Prophet may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, accepted his advice and led the army to the closest water source to the enemy, where they camped. They then constructed barriers and secured the wells nearby.
That noble companion talked to the Master of all creation, the best of mankind, and the best of all Noble Prophets and Messengers, yet he did not hesitate to suggest another location for the army. How great the Prophet's morals are! The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, listened to his advice and asked the army to move to the suggested location.
Kindly consider the following Noble Ayah; Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And consult them in the affairs. ﴿
The Ayah means: You, O Muhammad the Noble Prophet, the Noble Messenger, the chosen one, the best of mankind, should consult your companions in matters. One may ask: Is this consultation symbolic or genuine? It is genuine, and the proof is this conversation:
"O Messenger of Allah, do you see this place? Is it a place that Allah has chosen for us to advance or retreat from? Or is it a strategic decision for war and ambush?" The Noble Prophet replied, "It is indeed a strategic decision for war and ambush." Habab continued, "O Messenger of Allah, this is not a place to stay. Please rise with the people until we reach the nearest water source to the enemy, where we can camp and block access to the wells behind us. Then we can build a reservoir, fill it with water, and fight the enemy. We will have water to drink while they will not." The Prophet may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him accepted his advice and led the army to the closest water source to the enemy, where they camped. They then constructed barriers and secured the wells nearby.
Accustom yourself to listen to others, even if it is criticism and accept it.
Once, when I finished a lecture that thousands of people attended, a young man came to me and said with utmost politeness, "You mentioned a Hadith in your lecture, but there is another Sahih Hadith that conveys the same meaning and is more authentic. (He hinted that the Hadith I mentioned was weak, but out of politeness, he did not say so directly.)" I asked him where he lived, and he told me that he lived in Yarmouk Camp; an hour and fifteen minutes away from my own house. I asked him to get in my car, and I drove him back to his house. Then I said to him, "Do you know why I did so?" He said, "No, I do not." I said, "Because you drew my attention to a mistake I made in my lecture. I drove you back to encourage you to do the same next time whenever you notice a mistake."
Be open to criticism from others and never reject it, since constructive criticism elevates you and helps you improve, whereas false praise lowers you and hinders your development. Whether you are a father, a teacher, or any person in a position of responsibility, you should encourage others to offer you constructive criticism.
I taught at the university for thirty-three years, and every year I would tell my students, "Bring a piece of paper, write down anything in my lesson that you think is wrong or incorrect, and give it to me. If you are embarrassed to do so, you do not have to write your name on it." Then I take the papers and read carefully what my students wrote. One of them commented, "My teacher, your lesson is too long."
Once, I attended a lecture in Al-Madinah Al-Munawwarah that lasted for an hour and fifteen minutes, and I felt it was overly long. I learned a lesson from that experience: whatever a lecture I give should be no longer than 40 minutes. I took this as a guiding principle in my life.
Some of my lessons may last for 30, 20, or 10 minutes, but I must make sure that all attendants of the lesson should know its ending time, because some of them may have important appointments, or may be about to travel, and if the lesson is open-ended, this could cause serious problems.
Respecting the lesson of Islamic knowledge and avoid leaving before it ends:
Let me make the following comment: You all mean a lot to me, but it really bothers me to see someone leaving the lesson before it ends. Please, pay attention to what I am saying: It is up to you to pray at home or at the masjid, but my lesson is only 30 minutes long. So, if you choose to come to the masjid, pray, and attend the lesson, you should stay until it ends.
You have the choice not to come at all, not to pray, or to come to the masjid, pray, and then leave if you are in a hurry—for an important appointment, travel, or work. This is fine. However, it is not appropriate to leave in the middle of the lesson, because it means implicitly that my lesson is not valuable or beneficial.
2- Never criticize your child in front of his siblings:
Consider the following precise piece of advice for all of you: As a parent, you should never criticize your child in front of his siblings, rather you should do that privately when necessary.
Actually, there is a Noble Ayah that supports this principle (criticism should not be done in front of everyone, but in private). Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And refuse to share their beds. ﴿
This Ayah is about distancing oneself from one's wife as a way to correct her inappropriate behavior. In other words, if someone wants to do that, he should do it only in their bedroom; their children should know nothing about their disagreement, because when children become aware of the marital conflict between their parents; it will have a harmful psychological impact on them, and it can lead to many dangerous psychological disorders, such as fragmentation, because the child does not know which side to take since he loves his father and mother. Thus, the more you reconcile and maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, the better it will be for your children. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And refuse to share their beds. ﴿
Objectivity is a value that is based on ethical principles and knowledge:
Please pay attention to the following precise words: Objectivity is a value that is based on ethical principles and knowledge; if you are objective, you are a knowledgeable person; a person of knowledge and high moral values.
I have a Master's Degree from Lebanon, from one of the best universities there, and I travel every week from Damascus to Lebanon to follow up on the academic matters. Once, I was sitting in a large hall at the university where a doctoral thesis was being reviewed. While the student, who was Syrian, was reading his doctoral thesis, the French professor was fluent in Arabic, so he stopped the student saying, "Stop reading! You are making overgeneralization, which is a kind of (mental) blindness." I was deeply affected by his words "Do not make overgeneralization." In fact, Allah the Almighty Himself never makes overgeneralization. For example, Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And there are, certainly, among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), ﴿
Allah the Almighty does not say: And all the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) … but He says:
﴾ Among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians)… ﴿
So, Allah the Almighty never overgeneralizes so you should never do that. Actually, the greatest mistake committed by common people is to make an unfair general judgment about all people. For instance, someone may say, "All accountants are such-and-such", or, "All employees are such-and-such" etc. Making such false judgement reflects one's ignorance.
So, never make overgeneralization, as Allah the Almighty never does that (He never makes an unfair general judgment about all people of the Scripture); He says:
﴾ And there are, certainly, among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians)… ﴿
He the Almighty does not say: And all the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) as a whole are so and so.
When you overgeneralize; make an unfair general judgment about all people, you will lose your status in Allah's Sight. As I always say: Falling from the sky to the earth is nothing compared to falling from the Sight of Allah (being lowered in His Sight).
You may hear someone saying, "All people in a certain profession are liars." No, that is wrong. Even though some professions may have a lot of dishonest people, by Allah, there are still individuals of high moral values within those professions.
Never make overgeneralization, since it reflects (mental) blindness (ignorance). Furthermore, avoid using the word "all" when making a judgment about people. For example, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him said:
(( The best earnings are the earnings of the traders. ))
Consider the rest of this Noble Hadith which is truly amazing. The Noble Prophet said:
(( …Who do not lie when they speak, do not betray when they are entrusted with something, do not breach promises, do not defame [the goods] when they buy, do not praise [their own goods] when they sell, do not delay repayment when they are in debt, and do not force [their debtor] when they are owed [money]. ))
The best earnings are the earnings of the traders who possess these seven qualities.
Also, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, also said in another Hadith:
(( The honest and trustworthy merchant will be with the Prophets, the truthful, and the martyrs. ))
I once visited the largest Muslim country in the world; Indonesia. Its population is about 250 million people. So, it is the largest Muslim country in the world. How did Islam spread there? It spread there after its people were influenced by the honesty and trustworthiness of just nine Muslim traders; just nine people!
I also once visited China. I heard that there are about 20 million Muslims there but in reality, there are about 80 million Muslims there, because they have been affected by someone who traveled there and donated to build a masjid in Beijing.
(( Tamim Ad-Dari, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah’s Peace and Blessings be upon him, said: "Indeed, this matter (Islam) will reach everywhere the night and day have reached." ))
This is glad tidings from the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him; he said:
(( Indeed, this matter (Islam) will reach everywhere the night and day have reached. ))
I also once visited Melbourne in Australia; the farthest city in the world from us, while Sydney is nearly in the middle of the Southern Hemisphere.
I stayed there for a month and a half, and there is a masjid and an Islamic institute in that faraway country. What an amazing thing! The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said regarding this fact:
(( Indeed, this matter will reach everywhere the night and day have reached. ))
This is good tidings from the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him.
I was once in Paris, and a French woman came to me and wanted to shake my hand! Her husband, standing beside her, apologized to me and said, "Please excuse us, she is my wife (she was not a Muslim, so she did not know that shaking hand with non-Mahram men is Haram). I am Muslim, and I always watch your lessons at Ar-Risalah TV Channel and share them with her. She enjoys listening to them."
I made 200 episodes on Ar-Risalah TV titled Faith Is Good Conduct for free; I offered them purely for the Sake of Allah and did not take any payment for them. You can search for Faith Is Good Conduct online and you will find these 200 episodes, all available as video.
So that French woman wanted to shake my hand and I said to her, "Sorry, I do not shake hands with non-Mahram women." So, her husband said to me, "She is my wife. Although she is not Muslim, every time I watch a lesson of yours on Ar-Risalah TV, I share it with her, and she watches them daily. Also, my son, who lives in America, also listens to your lessons every day."
How interconnected the world has become! The world, which used to be five continents, has now become just a single continent, a single country, a single city, a single house, and even a single office (where everything can be watched on your computer or mobile phone)! People all over the world can hear this lesson right now. The world has grown smaller so that the truth can reach everyone easily.
The really successful parent is the one who treats his children equally:
Kindly pay attention to this important point: The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, was so fair to his companions that each one felt he was the closest and dearest to him.
Do you think being that fair is easy? Absolutely not! If everyone around you feels this way, that is the true success.
Try to treat your daughters in the same way—each daughter should feel she is the closest to you. Also, each one of your sons should feel that he is your closest son, and each one of your employees should feel that he is your closest employee, etc. This, of course, requires treating everyone around you equally, without discrimination.
Let me share with you the following deeply painful story: When a father passed away, his daughter said, "I will never forgive my father, for he blocked every opportunity for me to marry. Whenever a young man came to him asking for my hand in marriage, he would refuse him and would place impossible demands on him, so I ended up unmarried. By Allah, I will never forgive him!"
What is even worse is that a daughter (whose father did not raise her according to the teachings of Islam) will say on the Day of Resurrection, "O Allah, do not admit me to Hell-Fire until You first admit my father to it!"
A father should never stand in his daughter's way to get married without reason.
Dear noble brothers, marriage may be just one chapter in a young man's life, but for a young woman, it is so important to her, because it shapes her entire life.
As you know, the Muslim world faces two major problems that are spreading incredibly fast: unemployment and spinsterhood. Of course, spinsterhood results from unemployment; without work, young men will not be able to marry.
I repeat: Treating your children fairly and without discrimination is what makes you a truly successful parent. However, there are some exceptional cases. For example, if you have five daughters: four of them are married to wealthy traders, while the last one is engaged to a righteous young man, but he is a low-paid employee, you may buy a house for her to support your son-in-law, even if you did not do the same for your other daughters. This does not displease Allah, because you do that for a valid reason: your other daughters are married to wealthy men and do not need any help, unlike her low-income fiancé. Such an action demonstrates profound wisdom.
3- Forbearance:
Kindly consider the following precise words: Forbearance is the distinguished trait of leaders, eminent figures, and great people. As the saying goes, "The forbearing one has a profound virtue that is close to the exemplary qualities of the Noble Prophets."
Let me give you this following advice for the Sake of Allah: Never ever make a decision while you are angry, because you will surely regret it sooner or later. So, never make any decision, including the decision of divorce, while you are angry.
I urge every man whom Allah the Almighty has blessed with a righteous wife to completely avoid uttering the word "divorce," and to refrain from it altogether. Never even think of saying it, because when one makes his wife feel confident that he will not divorce her unfairly, she will shine with happiness, whereas constant anxiety, I am not exaggerating, negatively affects her beauty.
When you are angry, be careful not to make any decision. The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
(Do not get angry.)
4- Patience (As-Sabr):
Now, patience is the attribute of the noble, the pious, and the pure-hearted people, but what is the reality of patience? Consider the following Noble Ayah in which Allah the Almighty says:
﴾
Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without reckoning. ﴿
What is the greatest bestowal ever? It is when a multi-billionaire gives you a signed blank check! That would be the greatest bestowal according to worldly standards. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without reckoning." ﴿
So, receiving rewards without reckoning can be likened to receiving a signed blank check; you can fill in any amount of money you want. In contrast to the patient man, no matter how righteous deeds the undutiful son performs, he will not be admitted to Jannah (Paradise).
So, the patient person will receive his reward without measure, whereas the disobedient son will never enter Jannah.
5- A smile on the face of an eminent figure is a source of light and brilliance
It was said: A smile on the face of an eminent figure is a source of light and brilliance. In other words, if you are a manager of a company, a director of an institution, or an owner of a store, etc. and you see one of your employees and ask him, "How are you, my son? Do you feel at ease? Do you need any help?" he will never forget your words for an entire month. So, always be humble when dealing with others. As the poet said:
Look at the Kohl; although it is a stone
But because of its softness,
it is applied to the eyes as an adornment.
Treat others with humility.
Dear noble brothers, kindly pay attention to the following precise point: If ten guests come to your house, and you have nothing to offer them except one kilo of yogurt, you can add a kilo of water to it without spoiling its taste. Then, you can present it to them as a yogurt drink 'Ayran'. Whereas if you add just a single drop of oil to that kilo of yogurt, it will become undrinkable and you will have to throw it away.
(( Abdullah Ibn Masud, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him said: "Whoever has even a mustard-seed's weight of arrogance in his heart will never enter Paradise, and who has even a mustard-seed's weight of faith in his heart will never enter Hell." ))
Arrogance spoils deeds as vinegar spoils honey.
Other life principles derived from the Sirah of the Noble Prophet:
Upon meeting others, start with "As-Salamu Alaikum (peace be upon you)" for through greeting, you remove enmity and spread harmony. Also, the best favor you give to others is to protect their reputation in their absence by preventing people from backbiting or speaking ill of them. So, never backbite anyone. Furthermore, if you refrain from making unnecessary demands on people, they will like and respect you. Therefore, do not ask anything of people (unless it is truly necessary), and, rely on Allah the Almighty Alone rather than on people.
One of the principles of dealing with other is laughing with others since a wise person laughs with people. By the way, one of the traits of the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, is that he would laugh when his companions laughed, but he would never laugh at them.
A wise person laughs with people, not at them, seeks permission before entering, behaves politely toward others, accepts criticism, receives advice with appreciation, refrains from spreading shame or scandal, lowers his gaze from what is forbidden, and addresses people by their best of qualities.
Such a man has a balanced character; he is neither so gentle that he becomes weak, nor so firm that he becomes harsh. He holds himself strictly accountable in this world so that his reckoning on the Day of Judgment would be easy, because if he holds himself lightly accountable in this world, his reckoning on the Day of Judgment would be severe.
All of these golden principles of dealing with others in life, which are around thirty ones, are drawn from the Sirah of the Master of Prophets, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, from the lives of his noble companions, mar Allah be pleased with them, and from the lives of the righteous scholars who practise what they preach and remain steadfast in their Da'wah (call) to Allah, even in the face of trials.
To sum up, make every effort to apply these principles in your own life, isha'-Allah.
You can find this lesson online; just search for "Hayat FM", and you will find it.
