- Seminars and Lectures abroad / ٠01 Masjid At-Taqwa- Morning lectures 1
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- Masjid At-Taqwa- part 1
Introduction:
Dear noble brothers, Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth﴿
"The heavens and earth" is a Quranic expression that refers to the universe, and the universe is everything other than Allah.
﴾ And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth﴿
Also, among His Signs are the sun and the moon.
﴾ And from among His Signs are the night and the day﴿
﴾ And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. ﴿
In language, the conjunction requires parallel structure (syntactically and semantically between the clauses, or the things connected to one another by the conjunction). Accordingly, you cannot say, "I bought a farm and a spoon", because there is no harmony between the two (due to the huge difference between them). However, you may say, "I bought a farm and a house", or "I bought a house and a car." Thus, the conjunction entails harmony between the two things that are conjoined.
Allah the Almighty tells us that among His Signs is:
﴾ The creation of the heavens and the earth﴿
﴾ And from among His Signs are the night and the day﴿
Also, the sun and the moon are among Allah's Signs.
﴾ And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. ﴿
The good relation between the husband and wife:
Just like the universe, the sun, the moon, the day and the night, the following is another Sign of Allah that indicates His Greatness:
﴾ That He created for you wives from among yourselves,﴿
"From among yourselves" means that your wife is a soul, and she is hurt the way you are hurt, she is frightened the way you are frightened and she enjoys the things you enjoy.
﴾ from among yourselves,﴿
Whosoever assumes that he is in a higher rank than his wife's (because she is a woman) is definitely wrong. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable﴿
Your wife should obey you, meet your needs, look after your house and take care of your children, and you should treat her in the same manner. Hence:
﴾ Men are the protectors and maintainers of women﴿
"Qawamah" is an Arabic word that means maintaining and protecting. The marital household is just like a plane, which has a pilot and copilot, and though the copilot is qualified to land the plane in emergencies, the pilot is the one who flies the plane and takes serious decisions. A while ago, I heard of a pilot who had a heart attack while flying, so the copilot continued the flight and landed the plane. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable﴿
This "one degree of rights" the husband has over his wife is in emergencies, so in casual days, they both have the same rights and duties, but in crises, only one should decide (i.e. the husband).
A ship might have a captain and an assistant, however, in disasters, the decision is taken only by the captain, and the same goes for the plane. Thus,
﴾ And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable﴿
Now:
﴾ And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them,﴿
Pay attention to the following Ayah:
﴾ And He has put between you affection and mercy. ﴿
"He has put" in this Ayah means "He has created".
Affection and mercy are delicate. If the husband chooses his wife according to his standards, affection will be created between the two. Affection is in fact a behavior that manifests love, so love lies within the heart and affection is the behavior that shows that love through smiling, praising and showing mercy.
(It was narrated from Anas Ibn Maalik (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man was with the Prophet PBUH when another man passed by and he said: O Messenger of Allah, I love this man. The Prophet PBUH said to him: "Have you told him?" He said: "No." He said: "Tell him." So he caught up with him and said: "I love you for the sake of Allah." He said: "May the one for Whose sake you love me also love you.")
It is enough for the husband to say to his wife, "May Allah reward you", and "May Allah protect you", those two sentences will give her energy for 10 months to come. On the other hand, when husbands never say a nice word, never praise or thank their wives and never show mercy or affection, their wives will hate this life, which is but duties and more duties. Hence, husbands should show reasonable praising to their wives, so that affection will be created between them. The words in the Ayah are very precise:
﴾ And He has put between you affection and mercy. ﴿
You love your wife and she loves you, however, there must be mercy as well:
﴾ and mercy. ﴿
Men in some cases get paralyzed, isn't that true? When their wives serve them for 30 years, this but reflects mercy. The good relation between the husband and wife is based on love, because both of them are up to each other's standards, and they express that love through words, smiles, gifts and excusing one another, or it is based on mercy between the two, and in both cases, affection is created between the two.
I know a man whose newly wedded wife was conflicted with cervical cancer one month after their wedding. Although, he was a public official, he went with her to doctors to be treated until he was forced to sell his house to pay for the treatment. Her father said to him at one point, "Enough is enough; although she is your wife, she is my daughter too, and you have not had the chance to live with her as newly wedded couples do, so let her go, and I will look after her." This bride has aunts in another country, and they were not religiously committed, but after they heard her story with her husband, all of them put Hijab due to the mercy this husband showed to their niece. This is how faith should be.
﴾ And He has put between you affection and mercy. ﴿
When your wife meets your needs, obeys you and puts all the efforts to look after your children, you should say a good word to her, praise her and utter the words of love to her. The Prophet PBUH said:
(Praise be to Allah Who bestowed upon me the fondness for A'ishah.)
Loving your wife is a great grace. Some men hate their wives and long for other women, thus loving your wife is a substantial grace from Allah upon you.
(Praise be to Allah Who bestowed upon me the fondness for A'ishah.)
I repeat the Ayat:
﴾ And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth﴿
﴾ And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. ﴿
There is a serious point I would like to refer to:
(It was narrated from Abu Hurairah: that the Messenger of Allah said: "If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.')
Dear noble brothers, the sexual desire is very strong in the human being, and unless it is satisfied with marriage, it will be satisfied with fornication. You cannot cancel this inner urge towards the other sex even if you try to prevent it.
One might start his life in the suburb, and then his business might thrive, so he moves to live in the city. After few years, he buys a very expensive house, and he changes his car as well. When he is in his sixties after all this struggle, he demands the man who wants to marry his daughter to buy a big luxurious house in the city. He is asking this man to do the impossible. I repeat the Hadith:
(If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.')
Therefore, desires should be satisfied through marriage, lest they are satisfied through fornication. The more difficult marriage gets in a city, the more brothels there will be.
According to the statistics in an Islamic state, there are more than 85.000 brothels in it. The more obstacles you put in the way of marriage, fornication will be the alternative. Thus, it is a very serious matter.
(If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.')
Spinsterhood reached in one country 50%, and this but reflects a serious problem. Marriage is one phase of man's life, but it is an entire life for the woman. If the woman is engaged and is married, she is fine; otherwise, she will have a problem. Hence, unless we confront the problem of spinsterhood, we will face serious outcome.
The higher the rate of unmarried women in a society, the graver the outcome will be. In some countries, the rate of spinsterhood is low, like in Sudan, it is only 8 %, but having 50% of unmarried women in a society reflects a serious problem. It is related in the Islamic tradition:
(If someone made an effort for a couple to get married, she/he shall be rewarded with every single word she/he said and every taken step the reward of a whole year's worshipping including day fasting and night praying.)
This is related in the Prophetic tradition:
(If someone made an effort for a couple to get married, she/he shall be rewarded with every single word she/he said and every taken step the reward of a whole year's worshipping including day fasting and night praying.)
Some people avoid helping a man and a woman to get married and they say, "It is better to give the hand of help in a funeral than in marriage", and these are but Satanic words, given who follows Satan is a fool.
One should help others get married especially women, because it is hard for the woman to say, "I want to get married", and in such cases when her uncle tries to find her a suitable husband, he will be doing a good deed.
(If someone made an effort for a couple to get married, she/he shall be rewarded with every single word she/he said and every taken step the reward of a whole year's worshipping including day fasting and night praying.)
(There is no better intercession than that of who intercedes between a couple to get married)
When you are the middleman in getting a man and a woman married, that will be the best intercession. The Prophet PBUH said:
(I am the most pious amongst you.)
The Prophet PBUH is the most pious human being:
(Yet, I pray and sleep; I fast and break my fast; and I marry women. He who is displeased with my Sunnah (practices) is not my followed.)
It is crystal-clear.
(I am the most pious amongst you. Yet, I pray and sleep; I fast and break my fast; and I marry women. He who is displeased with my Sunnah (practices) is not my followed.)
Shuraih the judge:
It was reported that Shuraih, who was a judge, met his friend Al-Fadeel. This latter asked him about his life at home. Shuraih said, "I have not had any problem with my wife for twenty years." Al-Fadeel said, "How come?" -Some men are married for 20 years and never found rest, because their life with their wives is troublesome- Shuraih replied, "On our wedding night, I looked at her and saw a rare fascinating beauty. I then said to myself, 'I should make Wudu', pray two Rakaa't and praise Allah.' When I finished, I found out that she was following me in prayers and finished as soon as I had finished.
When the guests left the house, I moved towards her and tried to touch her, but she said, 'Wait a minute O Abu Umayyah (i.e., Shuraih), stay where you are.' Then, she said, 'All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, seek His aid and ask for His forgiveness. Peace and Blessing be upon Muhammad. I am a stranger to you and I have no idea about your morals and attitudes, so tell me what you like and I will do it, and what you hate and I will avoid it.' She continued, 'There must be among your people a woman that you could have married and a man among my people that I could have married, but Allah has accomplished a matter already ordained in His Knowledge. Allah has given you control over me, so obey Him; either retain me on reasonable terms or release me with kindness and apply what Allah says, "…either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness" [Al-Baqarah, 229].
Shuraih, then, said, "I found myself in need of giving a Khutbah, which I had not delivered for quite a long time. I said, 'All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, seek His aid and ask for His forgiveness. Peace and Blessing be upon Muhammad. You (i.e., his wife) have said many things, which, if you stand firm on, you will be rewarded, but if you fail, they will be evidence against you. I love such and such things, and I hate such and such things. You may spread whatever good deed you see, and conceal whatever evil deed you see.'
It is befitting here to mention that the Prophet PBUH considered the characteristic of concealing the husband's flaws as one of the characteristics of the pious woman. A husband, for example, might get very angry and break a very expensive vase, so if his wife tells her sister that her husband went crazy and broke it, this woman is someone who discloses her husband's secrets, and thus she is not pious.
The pious woman conceals the flaws of her husband and never discloses them. She, then, said, 'What would you say to my relatives visiting?' I replied, 'I prefer that we visit them from time to time, so they will not get bored, for the Prophet, peace be upon him said, 'Visiting people from time to time makes you more beloved.' She said, 'Which of your neighbors do you want to visit me?' I said, 'The family of such and such are good people, and the family of such and such are bad company.'
When the new year came and upon my return from the court, I found my mother-in-law in our house. My mother-in-law looked at me and asked, 'How do you find your wife?' I said, 'The best wife a man can have.' She, then, said, 'O Abu Umayyah, you will be in a worse condition than her only in two cases: if she gives birth to a child or if she enjoys your favors. I swear that men have never been inflicted with a worse evil than a spoilt woman, so discipline your wife'. Then she looked at her daughter and ordered her to obey her husband. I lived with my wife for twenty years and never complained about her, except once, and then I was unfair to her."
Every man has three fathers, the biological father, the father in law and the educating father (the scholar) who shows him the Path to Allah. Thus, the father of the wife deserves to be respected, yet some husbands do not consider that, and one of them made a joke that goes as follows: A man asked him, "Is your father in law alive?" "Yes, he is." He answered, then he asked again, "Is your mother in law alive?" He answered, "Yes, she is Hayya Tas'aa", which means in Arabic that she is alive, but it also means that she is a snake that moves quickly. This is of course a rare case, for most husbands respect their parents in laws.
The righteous person who follows Allah's Commands will be rewarded with a pious wife who is easy on the eye, obedient to her husband and a protector of his honor when he is absent.
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds
In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, the Lord (The One and Only) of the Worlds, and blessings and peace be upon our Master Muhammad, the Truthful and the Faithful.
O Allah, increase us [in Your Blessings] and do not decrease us, honor us and do not humiliate us, give us [from Your Gifts] and do not deprive us, be in favor of us and not against us, and make us satisfied and be satisfied with us.
O Allah bless and grant peace to our Master Muhammad, the illiterate Prophet and to his Folks and Companions.
