- Islamic Education / Children education in Islam
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- Chidren education 2008
Treating children unjustly creates jealousy among them:
Dear brother, this is lesson No. 19 of the series Children Upbringing in Islam, and we are still discussing the subject of Psychological Education. Last lecture, I stated that the inferiority complex, psychological complexes, and other psychological illnesses are resulted from treating children unjustly and being unfair to them. Abdullah Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Treat your children fairly (equally) in giving gifts))
Also, Anas Ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that while a man was sitting with the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, his little son came, so that man kissed him and put him in his lap, but when his little daughter came, he only put her beside him. Seeing that, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Fear Allah and treat your children equally.))
Accordingly, if you put your little son on the right side of your lap, you should put your little daughter on the left side of it. Also, if you hug or kiss your son you should do the same to your daughter. Thus, you should treat your children equally, even with regards to kissing, smiling, cuddling, or smelling, etc. In fact, treating children fairly helps them be dutiful children, while treating them unjustly helps Shaitan (Satan) make them disobedient. In other words, treating children equally helps them avoid following Shaitan and be obedient children, while being unfair to them leads them to obey Shaitan and to be disobedient children. Consider the following Noble Hadith which implies a great meaning: The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((May Allah have mercy upon he who helps his child be dutiful to him))
When one treats his children equally; when he does not give any of his children preference over the sh3er, but rather he treats them all fairly, he helps them be obedient children. The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((May Allah have mercy upon he who helps his child be dutiful to him))
On the other hand, treating children unfairly arouses extreme envy among them which may lead to catastrophic consequences; it may lead to causing harm to one another or even committing a crime. Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Beware of envy because envy consumes (destroys) the virtues just as the fire consumes the firewood,))
Levels of Envy:
Let me summarize the most important points of last lecture. I mentioned that there are three levels of envy. The first level is to wish that your fellow Muslim is deprived of the grace he has, and that it turns to you. The second level is worse than the first one, and it is to wish that your fellow Muslim is deprived of the grace he has even if it does not turn to you. The third level is the worst, and it is to try to cause harm to him, such as fabricating a false report against him, so that your fellow Muslim will be deprived of the grace he has, which is a serious offence. Thus, envy is a great sin; it may lead one to cause harm to the one he envies, such as to make false allegation against him, so that his shop will be sealed by the authorities.
As for envy among the members of the family, it is resulted from treating children unfairly. I would like to mention to you some Noble As7adeth which are arranged in the alphabetical order in the book they are collected.
Whoever provokes disagreements between people is not one of Muslims:
There is a series of great Noble As7adeth including the phrase "is not one of us …" What comes after this phrase is a major sin since the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, stated that whoever commits so and so sin does not belong to Muslims. Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Whoever cheats us is not one of us))
Thus, cheating sh3er is a major sin, and this includes all kinds of cheating. Also, Anas Ibn Malik narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He is not one of us (in our morals and values), he who does not respect our elders, have ruth for our young ones, and realize for our knowledgeable their rights.))
Ibn Mas'ud narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He is not one of us who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance.))
Khabir Ibn Mut'em narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He is not one of us who calls to tribalism. He is not one of us who fights for the sake of tribalism. He is not one of us who dies following the way of tribalism.))
Also, Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He is not one of us who inauthors a woman against her husband or a slave against his master.))
It means he encourages her to disobey her husband. Likewise, whoever inauthors hatred between two brother, a sister and her brother, two business partners, a mother and her son/daughter, or a father and his son/ daughter, etc. is not one of Muslims.
It was narrated in a Noble Hadith that he who is neither a knowledgeable person nor a seeker of knowledge is not one of Muslims. The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((The believer does not taunt sh3er, he does not curse sh3er, he does not use profanity, and he does not abuse sh3er.))
The Muslim should not speak evil of sh3er, like fabricating false allegations against successful people in order to damage their good reputation is not one of Muslims. Anas Ibn Malik narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He does not believe in me whoever sleeps full while he knows full well that his next-door neighbor is hungry))
Thus, these are some As7adeth that start with "He is not one of us who…." Consider this Noble Hadith which has a very serious meaning: Abdullah Ibn Yusr narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He does not belong to me (he is not a believer in me) who envies sh3er.))
Which means whoever envies sh3er does not belong to Muslims. Listen to the following lines of poetry, please:
I would like to say to the one who envies me
Do you realize to Whom you are impolite?
You are impolite to Allah the Almighty since you object to His Acts
As if you are not pleased with what He has granted me
When the King of kings bestows His Blessings upon someone
Do not object to His Act or ask why
He does so (why He bestows a grace upon you instead of him)
***
Thus, one should never object to Allah's Act since this is a deadly mistake
When the King of kings bestows His Blessings upon someone
Do not object to His Act or ask why He does so
* * *
Allah the Almighty is the Utterly Just:
Allah the Almighty bestows His Graces upon people
due to His Will and Deep Wisdom
So do not go beyond the border of politeness
* * *
Feeling displeased at the blessings of other Muslims is a sign of hypocrisy
Treating children unfairly may arouse extreme envy among them. Furthermore, it may lead to catastrophic consequences such as causing harm to one another or even committing a crime. Consider this accurate sign of having true faith: if your friend, your brother, your business partner, your neighbor, your cousin, your close relative, your fellow worker, or one of your acquaintances has bought a house, bought a vehicle, obtained a PhD degree, or succeeded at his work, etc. and you feel fairly pleased at that, you have a true faith, otherwise, and I am sorry to say that, you have a characteristic of hypocrisy since Allah the Almighty describes the hypocrites as follows:
(If good befalls you (O Muhammad PBUH), it grieves them)
If your brother in faith has obtained a PhD degree, got married, bought a new house, opened a shop or found a job, etc. and you felt fairly happy for him, this is a sign of having true faith. Abdullah Ibn Yusr narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He does not belong to me (he is not a believer in me) who envies sh3er.))
Feeling happy for sh3er is a sign of being a true believer
As for the above mentioned Noble As7adeth which include "He is not one of us who…", the act which is mentioned after this phrase is one of the major sins. Pay attention to the following Noble Hadith which refers to the one who helps his children be righteous and obedient by treating them fairly:
Ali and Ibn Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((May Allah have mercy upon he who helps his child be dutiful to him))
On the other hand, whoever treats his children unfairly helps Shaitan make them undutiful and disobedient. A young man told me that his father died and left about one thousand million SYP. His father treated his children unjustly; he registered eight hundred million SYP under the name of that young man and deprived his other son, who was a poor taxi driver, of that inheritance. Nevertheless, that young man distributed, according to Shari'ah (the Islamic law), the wealth which was registered under his name among his brother and the other heirs. Verily, this is a heroic act.
I repeat, feeling happy for your brother in faith when Allah the Almighty bestows His Blessings upon him is a sign of being a true believer, whereas envying him for that grace, wishing that this grace is taken away from him and comes to you, wishing that this grace is taken away from him even if it does not come to you or trying to cause harm to him in order to deprive him of it, is a sign of hypocrisy. Abu Umamah narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Whoever carries his belongings will be free of arrogance))
Also, Jabir Ibn Abdullah narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Whoever has these three characteristics is free of stinginess: whoever pays Zakah (obligatory charity) willingly.))
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Whoever remembers Allah the Almighty abundantly is free hypocrisy))
True believers should be all for one and one for all:
I deeply believe that in Muslim society all believers should be for one, and each one of them should be for all. This is how Muslims society should be. Dumrah Ibn Tha'labah narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((The people will remain upon goodness as long as they do not envy each other.))
Unfortunately, sometimes there is bitter hostility and hatred between families, between the members of the same family, between the inhabitants of the same village, or between people who have similar jobs. I would like to give you an example from our daily life. I know a righteous honest businessman who was fairly successful. His trade flourished, and he made considerable profits, but his neighbor, who seemed to be a righteous person and who used to perform his prayers at the Masjid (mosque), felt madly jealous of him, so he decided to make a complaint against a violation in the building of that businessman. He did not care how much it would cost, even if he had to pay one million SYP, for he wanted to stand in his way and to hinder his success. Is that neighbor a true believer? Of course, he is not. Abdullah Ibn Yusr narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((He does not belong to me (he is not a believer in me) who envies sh3er.))
I repeat this fact one more time, whoever treats his children fairly helps them be righteous children, while whoever treats them unjustly helps Shaitan make them undutiful and disobedient children.
Failing to fulfill the child's basic needs may arouse his anger:
Let us talk about the phenomenon of children anger. Why are some children so quick-tempered? Why do they react violently and nervously in most cases? Why do they get extremely furious at the most trivial matters? Why do they raise their voice in an angry way while speaking with their parents? Why do they hit, insult or curse their younger brother and sisters?
Actually, nothing in this world happens without a reason, so I think that the reason behind this aggressive behavior is that their basic needs are not fulfilled. For example, when neglectful parents are called to a meal, they leave their children alone at home and ask them to manage on their own while there is no food to eat, which may stir up the children's anger.
You should feed your kids homemade meals since they are many times better and healthier than fast food. Well, a survey of five-star restaurants in a western country found that there were rats and cockroaches in the stores of those restaurants! Hence, homemade food is many times better than restaurant food. In my opinion, providing your family with homemade food on time is a sign of a successful family, even if it is a plain food, because fulfilling the children's basic needs helps them live in peace and tranquility, while failing to fulfill their basic need makes them extremely annoyed. Also, one of the signs of a true caring father is that he eats the food which his wife and children prefer, while the unkind father forces them to eat the kind of food he likes, so always ask your family about the food they prefer.
There are many great fathers among my acquaintances who, whenever they are called to a meal, a feast, or a restaurant, bring with them the same kind of food in the evening when they come back home, so that their families eat the same kind of food they have eaten.
The wise father is keen to maintain cohesion within his family:
The more your family feel that you, as a father, do not distance yourself from them, that you love for them the same thing you love for yourself, that you desire for them what you desire for yourself, and that whenever you eat a delicious food outside your home, you bring the same kind of food with you when you come back home to let them enjoy that kind of food as you do, the more your family become coherent; it is a family full of love, sacrifice, and respect. On the other hand, some families suffer serious lack of cohesion. In fact the rational father is keen to maintain cohesion within his family, and the caring mother is keen to present for her children three homemade healthy meals and never neglects her responsibility towards her household.
I would like to give an example of dereliction of duty, and I never get bored of repeating it. If a mother spends the whole night performing supererogatory night prayers in order to get closer to Allah the Almighty, she will get very tired at five o'clock, she will wake her children up for school, will ask them to manage their own affairs, and she will go to bed. When her children wake up, the room will be too cold (since their mother does not turn on the stove before she wakes them up), and they will find no food to eat (since she does not make sandwiches for them). One of her children will open the refrigerator and eat cold food, the other will make a sandwich for himself adding too much olive oil to it, and he will put it immediately in his school bag without putting it first inside the sandwich bag, and his books and notebooks will became stained with oil. The other child's school uniform will be dirty with a button missing from it, his shoes will be dirty and his homework will not be done. As a result, all her children will be punished at school due to her negligence.
I deeply believe, if my opinion is right then it is out of Allah's Guidance, and if it is wrong then it is out of my own sins, that the woman who wakes up for Fajr (dawn) prayer and prays it on time even if it is only half an hour before sunrise, then turns on the stove to make the room warm before waking her children up for school, makes breakfast for her children, makes sure that her children have done their homework and that their clothes are tidy and clean, and waits for her children school bus, then goes back to bed, is million times closer to Allah the Almighty than the woman who performs supererogatory night prayers all the night then goes to sleep and neglects her responsibility towards her children. Actually, everyone should perform the acts of worship which are more suitable to the position Allah the Almighty has put him in. For example, as for the mother, the more suitable acts of worship to her position is to be a righteous caring mother.
Every Muslim should practise Islam in his everyday life:
Actually, entering Paradise requires performing righteous deeds, the best of which is acting upon Islam in one's everyday life. For example, as for the woman, being a righteous caring mother paves her way to Paradise, and as for the pharmacist, avoid cheating sh3er paves his way to Paradise. For example, if he sells a costly medicine after wiping out its expiry date, all his prayers become valueless in the Sight of Allah the Almighty.
By the way, many people think that taking a medicine after its expiration date has no harm on their health, while in reality it is really harmful since its chemical components disintegrate.
In fact, performing prohibited acts makes one's acts of worship such as his Salah (prayers), Siyam (fasting), Hajj (pilgrimage), and Zakat (obligatory charity) valueless in the Sight of Allah the Almighty. Unfortunately, many Muslims misunderstand the essence of Islam; they are under the illusion that Islam is only related to performing ritual acts of worship, such as performing prayer in congregation or attending an Islamic sermon, while they do not practise Islam in their everyday life. For instance, some people cheat sh3er when they sell forbidden carcinogenic substances such as whitening substances that contain carcinogenic hormones, and they cheat sh3er when they falsify the origin of their products ( claiming that the products are made in Germany while in reality they are made in China) before they sell it, thinking that Islam is isolated from their lives. While in fact Islam is not only related to performing ritual acts of worship, but rather one should practise it in his everyday life, such as at his work, at home, at the clinic, at the pharmacy or anywhere else.
Once, I visited one of the factories which produce foodstuffs. The owner of that factory told me that although whitening carcinogen substances are really harmful, they are added to foodstuffs in order to raise their price. Also, some farmers add internationally forbidden hormones to the soil in order to increase the size and the weight of fruits, so that they boost their profits while it is forbidden to sell such hormones; any agricultural pharmacy that sells such illicit substances will be sealed by authorities.
I deeply believe that practising Islam in your everyday life is the main sign of being a true believer. In other words, one should act upon Islam in his field, at clinic, at law office and in teaching halls and while selling and buying, etc. I am not exaggerating when I say that Islam encompasses more than five hundred thousand rulings, starting from Shari'ah rulings related to the most private relationships; marital relationships and ending with the rulings related to international relationships.
As I have said earlier, failing to fulfill the child's basic needs such as neglecting to buy a coat for him to wear at extremely cold weather, unless in case of poverty of course, makes him fairly annoyed. On the other hand, fulfilling his basic needs, such as providing him with good clothes and food, helps him live in peace and tranquility.
Work can be an act of worship:
I am not exaggerating when I say that performing one's task at work can be an act of worship, i.e. as long as it is Halal (lawful) job, as long as you aim to fulfill the basic needs of your family as well as your own ones and to serve your fellow Muslims and all people, and as long as it does not divert you from any obligatory act of worship, such as the five prayers or any act of obedience to Allah the Almighty, then your work turns into an act of worship. Thus, as long as you adhere to honesty and avoid cheating sh3er, deceiving them, monopolizing goods, or changing the manufacturing origin of the product you sell, as long as you watch your words and acts and refrain from any false act or from earning Haram (unlawful) money, and as long as you adhere strictly to Allah's Orders and Prohibitions, Allah the Almighty will shower His Endless Blessings on you and will grant you success, support, help, excellence, happiness, and tranquility. Thuban narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Adhere to righteousness even though you will not be able to do all acts of virtue.))
The believer gets angry only when Allah's Commandments are violated:
According to the teachings of the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, one should get angry when the Commandments of Allah are violated, not for his own sake. For example, you may find someone who does not mind seeing his wife sitting in the balcony which overlooks the street wearing immodest clothes, while if food is not ready on time, he gets absolutely furious with her! He does not get angry for the Sake of Allah the Almighty, but rather for his own sake. Thus, it is entirely unacceptable for the believer to see his wife violating the Commandments of Allah the Almighty and remains motionless (i.e. never gives her a piece of advice), since the true believer never gets angry except when the Commandments of Allah are violated, but he treats sh3er with leniency. This is what the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, instructed us in the following Noble Hadith:
Abu Hurairah narrated that a man came to the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him and said: "O Messenger of Allah, advise me." The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Do not get angry))
Do not put yourself in a situation which stirs up your anger. Abdullah Ibn Umar narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Keep away from doing that which you must excuse yourself for, for verily that involves hidden polytheism.))
If a teacher comes to school late, the school manager may criticize him harshly in front of the students, and that teacher may remain angry for a month after that incident, and he may have a desire to revenge. However, it is his own fault, because he should come to school on time to avoid being blamed which is unbearable to him. The Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Keep away from doing that which you must excuse yourself for, for verily that involves hidden polytheism.))
Psychological distress is the reason behind most human diseases:
Dear brother, I think it is common knowledge nowadays that distress causes most human diseases such as gastric ulcer, nerve inflammation, artery stenosis, convulsive stenosis, and angiostenosis. Let alone, psychological stress causes coronary arteries stenosis which makes one suffer from the symptoms of angina although the artery is in a good condition, but it becomes narrow. Also, it causes headache, physical pains, and other uncountable diseases.
Actually, distress is caused by domestic problems and difficulties. Bear in mind that the calm father who has a good job from which he makes his living through Halal (lawful) ways, and who shows willingness to solve the problems of his sons, daughters and wife, is performing the best act of worship.
Allah will help, protect, and support whoever obeys Him properly:
Let me tell you this unique incident. Once, one of the noble companions was told that some of his belongings were stolen. Nevertheless, he reacted calmly and invoked Allah the Almighty saying, "O Allah, if the one who has stolen my belongings is in dire need of them, then bless it for him; I have forgiven him, but if he does not need them, then forgive him, and make it his last sin!" How amazing his calm reaction is! Likewise, the true believer has a tranquil heart, he is firmly established as a mountain; he never gets easily influenced by troubles.
Another noble companion was told that his shop got burned, he said with full trust in Allah, "That would never happen; Allah would never allow that to happen (since he always pay Zakah)." When they went there, they found that the burnt shop was the one next to his! Thus, the true believers have a high status in the Sight of Allah the Almighty, so Allah never afflicts them with severe trials for no reason, but rather they are always under His Protection. Allah the Almighty says:
(…for verily, you are under Our Eyes)
The secret to a happy family is to obey Allah and to love Him:
Dear brother, it is really a great thing to feel that you have a great value in the Sight of Allah, Glorified and Exalted be He, and that He will never put you through unbearable tribulations. Actually, there are many devastating adversities; someone may go to the police station because his daughter was arrested after being caught in a brothel, or because his son was arrested after he had committed a crime. This is really a great calamity.
In contrast, the house in which Taqwa (fear of Allah) is observed, prayers are performed and Qur'an is reauthord is never afflicted with such great calamities, but rather it is a house full of tranquility and happiness. Someone may think that money is the secret to happiness, but this is absolutely wrong; living in a luxurious house in the richest districts of Damascus does not make one happy, but rather the secret to a house full of happiness is to obey Allah and to adhere to His Orders.
Once, I visited one of my brother in faith who lived in a modest house in one of the poorest districts of Damascus. There were no tiles on the floor and the furniture was too cheap, nevertheless, I felt a great sense of relief and tranquility in that house as if it were a little piece of Paradise. It was a house full of piety and love, the father was a righteous person who loved Allah and His Messenger, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, his wife was a righteous woman, and his children were obedient and dutiful. Thus, when the family obey Allah the Almighty and adhere to His Orders, the house will turn into a piece of Paradise no matter how modest it is. On the other hand, when the family are heedless of Allah the Almighty, they will not be able to find happiness even if they live in a luxurious house, because the secret to real happiness is to obey Allah the Almighty. He says:
((And enjoin As-Salat (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e. the Salat (prayers)].))
Where does tranquility come from? It comes from knowing Allah the Almighty, believing in the Oneness of Him, and submitting to Him totally.
Anger is the root cause behind most sins:
Dear brother, most sins are caused by anger; some people are inclined to committing sins when they get angry thinking that it may cool them down or alleviate their stress. Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
(("Whom do you consider a wrestler among you?" The people replied: "(the man) whom men cannot defeat in wrestling." He said: "No, it is he who controls himself when he is angry."))
Of course I am not talking about being shockingly calm, but rather about being prudent and tolerant. As the saying goes, "The prudent person almost has as exalted manners as a Prophet." Also, it is said, "The best of morals ever are prudence and tolerance." Thus, when one remains calm while dealing with his children, he teaches them how to remain calm; when he avoids yelling at them, they will never yell at one another or curse each other, but rather they will be so quiet that it seems to their neighbors as if there is no one in the house. Moreover, they never raise their voice when they speak, they solve their problems in a gentle way; with friendly reproach, they never use filthy language such as cursing or swearing, and they never behave badly. For example, they never slam the door hard out of anger, and so on. Thus, the closer you are to Allah the Almighty, the more blessed your home will be.
Whoever disobeys Allah behaves inappropriately and reacts sharply:
Pay attention to the following precise words: the one who is heedless of Allah the Almighty and who disobeys Him behaves irrationally and reacts very harshly; he gets terribly angry with his children, he hits and curses them, and he yells at them. In contrast, the true believer has a cheerful spirit and a joyful heart, because he follows the Straight Path of Allah (he adheres to His Orders and Prohibitions), he feels that Allah the Almighty loves him, he believes that all matters are under His Control, so he depends entirely on Him and leaves all his affairs to Him, and he obeys His Orders. Such feelings fill the believer's heart with calmness, peace, tranquility, happiness, and content, etc. Furthermore, the true believer's house is full of love, modesty, chastity, and good manners. Allah the Almighty says:
(So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad PBUH], you were lenient with them.)
Actually, this above-mentioned Noble Ayah should be regarded as a Divine Law. Allah the Almighty says:
(So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad PBUH], you were lenient with them.)
Which means by Mercy from Allah the Almighty settled in your heart, O Muhammad, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, you dealt with them gently, and they loved your company. Allah the Almighty says:
(And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.)
Which means You O Muhammad, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, are the Prophet and the Messenger of Allah the Almighty to whom the Noble Quran was revealed, you are supported with miracles, and you are the best of all creatures, the beloved of Allah, the Master of the descendants of Adam and the most eloquent person, and you have other outstanding virtues and characteristics. Yet, if you had been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you. Allah the Almighty says:
(And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.)
What about the one who does not have any of those outstanding virtues, and he is rude and harsh-hearted! Allah the Almighty says:
(And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.)
The most successful father is he who is both respected and loved by his children:
Dear brother, I would like to repeat a fact that I mentioned previously. According to our culture as Muslims, a father is respected by his children. However, the real success is to be both respected and loved; to be a loved father whose children feel extremely pleased when he comes home, and they really enjoy his company, because he is their merciful, loving and caring father. I deeply believe that the top reason for happiness is to be a successful father who preserves the unity of his family.
One of my relatives said to me, "I have always eaten lunch with my family at two o'clock for the past thirty-five years, and all family members should be present." In fact, eating together as a family is really important, so make time for family meals, and make use of that time to talk to your kids about their day at school for example or anything else.
Some researches show that one of the keys to the successful marriage is to devote at least twenty minutes a day to listening attentively to your wife, without being distracted by a newspaper, a magazine or anything else. Thus, listening attentively to your wife at least twenty minutes each day helps in improving your relationship with her.
The Noble Prophet used to be the best of people to his wives:
Despite the high status and supreme position of the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, he used to listen to his wives closely. Once, Mrs. Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, told Him a long story about Abu Zara' who used to love his wife Um Zara' and treat her well. She said that he was a brave, an honorable and a noble man, but unfortunately in the end they got divorced. Listening to that sad story, the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said (in order to reassure her):
((I am to you as Abu Zara' used to be to his wife Um Zara', but I will never divorce you))
When you come home after work, sit with your wife and children, listen to them, and show your wife that you appreciate her effort; say to her some nice words, such as saying, "May Allah grant you wellness", "May Allah keep us together" or "I really cannot manage without you", etc. Such nice words will greatly improve her morale, and she will do her best to please her husband. Allah the Almighty says:
(…and speak good to people)
Actually, you should appreciate the effort of your wife, the mother of your children, and you should thank her for doing the housework, taking care of her children, and keeping everything tidy and clean. If you, for example, come back home at lunch time while food is not ready yet, do not get furiously angry! Take it easy and do not be so bad-tempered! Instead, greet your wife and say to her some sweet words such as, peace be upon you, may Allah grant you wellness, etc. Thus, the successful father treats his wife and children kindly, and maintains the unity of his family.
The effect of mistakes which parents commit on their kids' personality:
Why do some children get angry easily? That is because they are imitating their short-tempered parents. Why do some children have psychological disorders? That is because of their cruel parents who always insult, curse or hit them. Actually, there are some terrible parents who wait for their children to make mistakes in order to punish them severely and forget about all their good qualities. Consider the precise meaning of the following Noble Ayah in which Allah the Almighty says:
(And lower your wings for the believers (be courteous to the fellow-believers).)
Also, Allah the Almighty says in another Ayah:
(And lower your wings for the believers who follow you.)
Lowering the wings is a metaphor for modesty. Thus, one should be humble and kind to the believers, since the order mentioned in this Noble Ayah is addressed to the Prophet (the one with the exalted character), it is with greater reason addressed to you. Allah the Almighty says:
(And lower your wings for the believers (be courteous to the fellow-believers).)
(And be kind and humble to the believers who follow you.)
If one should be kind to people, then a fortiori he should be kind to his own family. When the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, used to enter his house he would be humble and kind to his family. Uqbah Ibn Amir, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Do not hate your daughters, for they are your precious companions.))
Also, it was narrated in the tradition that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((Only an honorable man treats women with honor and integrity, and only a mean, deceitful and dishonest man humiliates and insults women. They defeat the noble man, but they are defeated by the ignorant one, and I would rather be a defeated noble man than a defeating ignorant one.))
Having a healthy relationship with your family is a sign of achieving success:
Quite frankly, one of the clear signs of your success in life is to have a healthy relationship with your family members. The mother of the believers Mrs. Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, said:
((The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.))
The calm parents raise happy good-tempered children; they never curse or yell at each other, and they never slam the door angrily, but rather they say nice words to each other, they always have smiles on their faces, and they are thankful to each other. Furthermore, in this blessed home, if someone commits a mistake he apologizes to the sh3er, and they forgive him. Also, they know how to control their tempers, and they correct each other's mistakes in a calm way.
Dear brother, the main point of this blessed meeting is to emphasize the negative impact of parents' mistakes on their children. In fact, calm parents teach their children good manners such as apologizing upon committing mistakes, and being kind and friendly to each other. If you would like to make your home a piece of Paradise (in which one finds rest, happiness and tranquility), you can do that by greeting your mother and being joyful and humorous, so tell your family a joke to make them smile, and so on. This is how you can follow the example of the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him. He used to have a sense of humor with his companions, but he would say nothing but the truth (he would never lie even while joking). So, when you enter your home, do not gaze at your family with a horrible deep frown on your face, but rather be joyful and humorous and follow the example of the Prophet, may Allah's Peace and Blessings be upon him, who used to be humorous with his companions.
