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Interpretation of the Quran- Surat Al-Nisa' (4)- Lesson (19)- Verse [35]: Reconciliation between husbands and wives
In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful  

Men are not better than women but they have more responsibilities:

O believing brother, we are now dealing with the lesson n.19 of the explanation of An-Nisa`a chapter, verse n.35. Allah, All-Mighty, said:

﴾ And if you fear a breach between them [the man and the wife] dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family. If they both desire amendment Allah will cause their reconciliation. Lo, Allah is Ever-All-Knower and well- acquainted with all things.﴿

Dear brother, this verse is most closely associated with the previous verse where Allah, All- Mighty, said:

﴾ Men are in charge of women, [the protectors and the maintainers of women] because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property [for the support of women﴿

Allah, All-Mighty, willed for the man, within the matrimonial regime, to be the decision maker because Allah has prepared him intellectually, physically, socially, and psychologically to be the leader of the vehicle i.e. the leader of the family. Although Allah , All-Mighty, willed also for the woman to be completely equal to the man in honor, commission and responsibility, He, Almighty, wanted her to be subordinate to man in the marital relationship and in the family because Allah has prepared him for that role with intellectual, social and psychological characteristics.
This is the divine design.

﴾ Men are in charge of [guardians of] women ﴿

Men are not better than women, but they are more burdened. This wonderful word was said by Omar ibn abed Al-Aziz [when he became the khalifah]: “I am not better than any one of you but I am more burdened [than you].” The meaning of Quawamoon is that they are doing their responsibilities very well. Men are responsible in front of Allah for their wives, their sons, their daughters, getting their daughters married and observing the family and all its properties.

Preference does not mean being better. It is for a wisdom:

Allah, all-mighty, has described the good righteous women as the ones who are devoutly obedient [to Allah and to their husbands], and guard in the husbands' absence what Allah orders them to guard [their chastity, their husbands' property] according to Allah's method; this is the origin.
If a family was not like that, where the woman refused to submit to Allah's rule - I said she refused to submit to Allah's rule such as when her husband ordered her to be obedient to Allah (e.g. to wear higab or not to mix with men), then in this case, there are some divine treatment methods. However, when she refuses to submit to her husband's undisciplined demands with Allah's approach , this is another state. The natural state is that

﴾Men are in charge of women﴿

(verse 34)

because Allah has consecrated them with certain characteristics, and women are preferred over men for certain characteristics Allah dedicated for them. The sentence

﴾Allah has made the one of them to excel the other﴿

(verse 34)

means that every one of them is the preferred one at one time and the other is the preferred one also at the other time.

Again I stressed on this reality, and it is a basic rule; preference is not necessarily the favorite.When the Man is preferred with a quality he needs, this is to achieve a wisdom which Allah, Almighty, wants for him. Do you not see with me that the bird's ability to see is eight times more than that of man? The bird is preferred with this ability; does that mean that it is better than the man? The dog smells a million times more than what the human can sniff - does that mean that it is better than the man? Preference does not mean that you are the favorite. However, preference is to achieve the specific wisdom Allah wants.

Again when the wife refuses to submit to Allah's command, there is some divine treatment:
Allah all-mighty said:

﴾As for those from whom you fear ill-conduct﴿

(verse 34.)

In the previous lesson, I have referred to the fact that the good husband must watch and examine [his family `s affairs]. He is attentive and cautious for any little signs of what can be, in the future, NOOSHOOZ i.e. violation of marital duties on the part of the woman toward her husband.
Thus you do not treat the problem after it took place, you do not treat the disease after it is too late because at that time it needs amputation. Heroism is to discover its signs early.

The relation between obedience and its consequences

This moves us to another fact within the human being's body. Dear brother, a human being has an acquired immunity system, and this system is the most significant one in Man's life. Sexual corruption, as you know, causes decrease of the acquired immunity. Now the number of infected people with this disease is 27 million persons, and it is expected to increase to reach 80 million people in the world. It has been said that there are 10 million persons who are infected but we are not informed about them. Thus there are 27 million persons infected on the earth because of sexual corruption.
We should certainly know that the relationship between the obedience [of Allah, all-mighty] and its consequences is a scientific one i.e. a relationship of the cause and the result. And, the relationship between the sin and its consequences is also a scientific relationship i.e. a cause and result relationship.

This immunity system is like an army with four groups: the first one is the investigation group. The most important role of this group is to gather information. If a strange element enters a human's body, white blood cells’ mission is investigation. It takes the chemical code of this element i.e. the microbe. It does not fight it - it takes this information and presents it to centers of manufacturing serum i.e. defense laboratory. The first mission of this unit is the investigation of information. The mission of the second group is to manufacture the weapon.This is found in the lymph node.The human has a great number of lymph nodes. Within these nodes the anti microbes serum is manufactured. But these nodes have a very miraculous memory. If this microbe enters a baby's body and re-attacks him again after seventy years, the file of this microbe is ready and is saved in these lymph nodes. Once the microbe returns again even after seventy years, its file is ready, its composition is ready, the serum created in the past is ready.The body manufactures a new serum to fight the microbe. This is the role of the second group.

The task of the third group is fighting. After the microbe invades the body, this third unit goes to the lymph node and takes the prepared weapon and carries it to fight the microbe. When you find a white swelling on the skin called pus, this is the result of fighting. A battle took place between the microbe and the fighter white cells. The result is the remnant corpses in this white pus that humans can see when his skin is sometimes swelling.

Now we have the fourth unit: the unit of services. Its mission is the cleaning of the battle field from the corpses. After a massacre took place, what should you do? As you have seen in Palestine, bulldozers are brought to bury corpses and roads are cleaned to hide the crime's signs. Thus we have four units: the unit of investigation, the unit of manufacturing weapons, the unit of fighting and the unit of services.

In 1967, a great scientist discovered a fifth unit.This unit was discovered recently, and its name is the commandos. What is its task? This unit discovers the cancerous cell very early before it becomes dangerous on a human and swallows this cell. What I have said is that when the human deviates from the right path, he loses the immunity system bestowed to him from Allah.

Steps of resolving the problems between husband and wife:

Here the verses said:

﴾As for those from whom you fear ill-conduct ﴿

I mentioned this verse in relation to the fifth unit which swallowed the cancerous cell when it discovered its danger early. Now, when the good, believing, successful husband discovers the danger [in his wife] in its early stages before it is too late, he has to admonish her:

1. Step 1- good advice:

﴾As for those, from whom you fear ill-conduct, admonish them (first).﴿

The advice requires you to be nice, sentimental and benevolent [with her]. Before you advise her, you have to possess her heart. How can you possess her heart? You can possess her heart with good words, perfect attitudes, nobility, generosity, gentility and sometimes by giving her a present. At that time, if you advise her, she will accept your advice. For example, if you are the manager of an establishment, and an employer (working with you) has committed a mistake, if you give him a present or you compensate him with a reward, then this employer will accept your advice and will promise you not to make this mistake again because you possessed his heart before you advised him. That's why some have said: ''Generous attitudes come before advising words. ''

You should open the heart of the one you advise with your good deeds, before you open his ears with your words.

﴾Admonish them﴿

this is the first kind of treatment.

1. Step 2- desertion in beds

If you cannot make use of the first kind of treatment, here is the second type - these treatments are in order.

Allah, All-Mighty, said:

﴾desert them (women) in beds﴿

I have clarified the wisdom of desertion of them in beds. If you leave the house, the relatives [of both of you] will know that you are quarrelling with your spouse.They may interfere negatively: the wife's relatives provoke her against her husband, and the husband's relatives provoke him against his wife. If you leave your bedroom to another room in the house, the kids will know that you are in a dispute.

You should desert her in your bedroom, and on the same bed. Although your wife is lovely to you and you are in need of her, you desert her in the same bed. When you are able to control your desire, because her femininity endowed to her from Allah, Almighty, is her only weapon, she may submit and change her attitude. As far as a human being has a weapon, he appears powerful and does not withdraw or submit. But if he loses his weapon ,at that time he will submit easily. So, how could you, as a husband, make her lose her weapon? By deserting her in the same bed, and by not responding at all to your instinctual appeal. When she realizes that you are able to forsake her completely, she will submit.

The second way of treatment is:

﴾Desert them (women) in beds, (and last) beat them lightly﴿

2. Step 3- beating lightly:

The believer is completely unrelated to these kinds of beating: beating out of revenge, hatred and malice, because these kinds of beating are forbidden by the prophet ''peace be upon him'' as he has said:

((Don't you feel ashamed of yourself to beat your wife in the morning, and to have intercourse with her in the evening?))

She is the partner of your life, so when you beat her, you degrade her position as a wife. But if she insisted on disobedience and refused to obey Allah, Almighty, it is a wisdom [from the husband] to beat her lightly -not a painful or a grievous beating to enforce her to be polite and to repent to Allah by disgracing her position as a partner in life.

Allah, Almighty, said:

﴾ and beat them﴿

If the woman obeyed her husband, all treatment should be stopped

I have showed you the cases that confirmed the reality of beating enjoined by Allah. If you have an orphan employee, with no father and no mother and he steals a great thing from you, the easier solution is to dismiss him, but the correct solution is to keep him and to refine him

Allah, All-Mighty, said:

﴾Desert them (women) in beds and beat them lightly.Then if they obey you seek not a way against them.Lord, Allah is ever High, Exalted, and Great.﴿

If they obey you, advice, desertion and punishment- all of them- come to an end. But if you claim that she does not love you, it will be something unacceptable. If the woman seems obedient to her husband, he must stop any treatment measures:

﴾Then if they obey you seek not a way against them. Lord, Allah is ever High, Exalted, and great﴿

This is a threat to the husband. You, as a responsible husband, are the master and the decision-maker. People will accept whatever you say about your wife. But if you were unjust and unfair with her, woe is to you, woe is to you and woe is to you.

﴾ Allah is ever –High, Exalted and Great﴿

This is the summary of the previous lesson.

One should deal with the problem early:

Today's lesson:

﴾And if you fear breach between them twain (the man and the wife)﴿

Neither advice nor desertion and beating availed with her, and the couple may disengage. You should treat this case early. Divorce didn't take place yet, but it may happen at any time.

﴾ And if you fear breach﴿

The linguists said that breach [i.e.shaqaaq] means to be in distance. Shaqa'a, the stick of obedience, means to be away from obedience.
Again, dear brother, troubles must be settled from their beginnings like grievous diseases.There are numerous diseases which if they were discovered early and treated early, their treatment will be successful and their success rate may reach 90%, but if they were treated late they may remain untreated.

Characteristics of arbiters:

The previous stage in the relation between the husband and his wife was an internal stage which started with advice. Next was the desertion and last was the beating. Now we are at the external interference:

﴾ And if you fear breach between them twain (the man and the wife) dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family. If they both desire amendment Allah will cause their reconciliation﴿

Who is the arbiter? Firstly, the arbiter is a judge. The basic qualities of the judge are to be just and to have accurate information that the judge uses to ask, inquire, question, search and investigate. The judge needs accurate information to form his opinion; this is the mental quality of the judge. He also must have a fair mind looking forward to justice.

Again, who is the judge? He is the one who investigates precisely about the information and then rules very fairly. Not everyone charged to reconciliate between two disputed couples can fulfill this task as it must be done.

﴾Dispatch an arbiter﴿

The arbiter must have accurate information; he gathers this information, discerns it, inquires about it, discovers it, and amends it. An arbiter is a mix of facts and fairness.
Here, another quality is added to the function of the arbiter - that he must be of the husband relative's. During the passing meeting with the relatives, this arbiter has realized that there are signs of troubles between this couple. He knows that there is a financial, or social, or psychiatric or a cultural problem between this couple. He has a previous deep knowledge.

﴾ Dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family﴿

Had the systems of arbiters been applied, divorce would have been rare:

This is heroism - a sober man from the notable characters in his family known for his accuracy and integrity, and a sober man also from the notable characters in her family known also for his accuracy and integrity. Because he is one of his relatives, he is aware of the internal matters. Because the other is also one of her relatives, he is aware of the internal matters.

﴾ Dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family﴿

If this approach is applied, divorce rate will be very low. I always relate this story: one man complained about his wife to her brother who replied to this husband by saying: ‘divorce her’.This brother is idiot. You are in need for a reverent experienced man who is religious, accurate in gathering information, fair in making a decision and in relation with her family, and aware of these couples conditions.You also, as a husband, are in need for a reverent, accurate man aware of the your condition. The verdict of these two arbiters must be executed.

﴾ Dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family﴿

I hear, dear brother, about the arbitrating system applied in old days.There are reverend notables in every district who have social position and their opinions are decisive in their districts.Whenever a dispute emanates between any two personalities of the district - social dispute ,financial dispute, psychiatric dispute - the arbitrating of this notable character is applied on both parties. This notable character is known in the district for his fairness and accuracy. Innumerable problems can be solved in this way.

Now, in the field of commerce, there is a wonderful pattern i.e. a commercial arbitration.According to legislation, the arbitration's verdict must be applied. The arbiter is also a merchant who is aware of the commercial surrounding and perhaps he is himself a trader in the same department and knows the internal matters. When believers upgrade themselves, they appoint their notables as their arbiters. Believers are far from what is taking place in courts i.e. prolongation of time. The most important part of making a arbitrating is the quickness. A cause may take nearly twenty years in courts to have a final arbitrating. During twenty years, you are suffering from psychological fatigue and tension. But when the direct arbitrating is applied, the case becomes very fast.A successful person is the one who gives everyone his due right

A successful person is the one who gives everyone his due right

I attended a conference in Tripoli two years ago about the private arbitration. If this private arbitration is applied in our societies even in industrial, social and parental disputes, it will be a magnificent matter. Some personalities enjoy a social, dominant status, and their command must be applied. They are objective and accurate in inquiring facts. Those personalities can solve a lot of problems. But what is traditionally taking place in courts is something unbearable. The way is too far. How many cases were inherited through nearly twenty judges to be ruled on? The present judge is moved to another place, the new one should take time to understand the case. There is a general rule: you should value the daily life and that it is your capital. Do not let yourself get into troubles that ends with you in courts.

I never forget the saying of Amr Ibn Al 'aas when Mo`awaih Ibn Abou Sofian asked him: “what about your cunning, Amr?” Amr replied: “By Allah, Emir of Faithfuls, I never get involved in a matter except if I could get out of it successfully.” Mo'awaih replied: “You are not cunning man, but as for me, by Allah, I never get involved in a matter I need to get out of.'' Originally, I do not get involved in this matter.

Who is the successful man in this life?
He is the one who gives everyone his adequate right and saves himself from disputes, causes, courts and judges. Getting involved in courts' intricate arbitration is something disturbing and nerve destroying; thus whenever you can stay away from it, stay away as you are.

The real meaning of (both desire):

﴾ If they both desire amendment﴿

- what is meant by [both]?

Some scholars said that it referred to the two couples. Other scholars said that it referred to the two arbiters. If the husband is a truthful one who wants his marital life to go according to Allah's approach, and the wife also does not want to be disobedient to Allah but a misunderstanding arises between them both - if the wife wants to be a perfect one, and if the husband wants to be pious with Allah, Almighty -

﴾ If they both desire amendment Allah will cause their reconciliation﴿

Because believers' hearts are between two fingers of Allah's fingers, it is Allah who changes these hearts as He, All-Mighty, wishes. You, as a husband, may find this wife not in harmony with you, non-obedient to you and refusing the truth. If Allah, All-Mighty, improves her for you, she will be good (with you).The proof from the Quran is;

﴾ We reformed his wife for him] Surat Al-Anbia'a verse n.90﴿

Some good worshippers of Allah, All-Mighty, said:''I realized my state with Allah from my wife's morals.'' Sometimes she is lenient, obedient and improving while other times she is arrogant, reluctant, and disobedient. If the husband is disobeying Allah outside his house, he will find his wife arrogant and reluctant with him. If he has an in-depth look, he will discover that her ill-conduct is a punishment from Allah for his deviation from Allah' approach. Thus the sentence said by the knowledgeable Imam, ''I realized my state with Allah from my wife's morals'', is a correct sentence. If the husband wants to raise his family on obeying Allah, and if the woman wants to be a believing and obedient wife in the way of Allah - if they are both looking forward to obeying Allah then Allah, Himself, takes the responsibility of softening and gathering their hearts towards each other. This is a constant rule in the social life. A rough person may change suddenly to be a nice tempered and an easy one.What has happened? Allah, Almighty, has changed him.

Wisdom of changing the hearts of people:

We should have a careful pause at this meaning to consider it. Why does Allah make people's hearts between His fingers and change them as He wishes?

1. First- when you take a good decision you feel comfortable:

This is for your own benefit and for your own sake.When you make a wise decision to obey Allah, to repent to Allah, to be righteous with Allah's creation and to propagate for right, Allah, Almighty supports you, makes your heart full of happiness, gladness, optimism and tranquility because your heart is between two fingers of His fingers. Thus when you make a wise decision, Allah helps you by relieving your heart. This meaning is derived from the verse:

﴾But Allah has endeared the faith to you and has beautified it in your hearts, and has made disbelief, wickedness and disobedience [to Allah and His messenger] hateful to you.﴿

(Surat Al-Hujaraat, verse n.7 )

When Man makes the decision to disobey Allah, he feels narrow-hearted. His reactions are violent, he is bad mannered, everyone around him turns away from him and he is detested by the most related ones to him. He lives in isolation. When Allah makes Man's heart between His fingers, this is to fill this heart with narrowness and gloom when he disobeys Allah. It means that Allah helps you to obey Him and help you to not to disobey Him. This is the first meaning.

2. You don’t fear of people

The second meaning is that when man is sure that people's hearts are within Allah's hand, he is never afraid of them. This is something fixed. Sometimes a tough, base and cruel person treats, unconsciously, a believer very decently. This believer is worthy for every kindness. Allah makes the tough person, whose heart is within Allah's hand, treat the believer decently. The same ruthless person may abuse another one very harshly. He is the same person; so why is he sometimes decent and at other times abusing? Because his heart is between two fingers of Allah's, the Merciful, fingers. So, as you dear wife, your husband's heart is between two fingers of Allah's fingers, He, All-Mighty, changes it as He wishes. When you, as a wife, improve your relation with Allah, your husband's treatment will change with you. Also, when you, as a husband, improve your relation with Allah, your wife's treatment will change with you. This is the meaning of the verse:

﴾ We have reformed his wife for him﴿

The meaning of the verse:

﴾As for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds.﴿

(Al-Forquan verse n.70)

When one repents his sins change into good deeds:

If someone repents to Allah, his evil deeds are changed into good deeds. For example, if he is violent, he will become softer; if he is miserly, he will become generous; if he is a coward, he will become courageous; and if he is harsh he will be compassionate. Many sisters told me on the phone that their husbands became different persons after they got involved in certain mosques, or after they repented to Allah, or after they improved their relation with Allah, and after they sought Allah's pleasure.
Therefore, any wife who wants her husband to be righteous has to help him to obey Allah. I am not exaggerating that tens or even hundreds of good brother were guided to the right path due to their wives, because this wife helps him to obey Allah and when he, the husband, obeys Allah he honors her.

I do not forget a proverb probably said by Al-Hasan, the son of Ali Ibn Abi Taleb: ''Get your daughter married to a believer. If he loves her, he will honor her. If he dislikes her, he will not abuse her.'' The believer is restrained; his whim is restrained by his faith. But as for the infidel, I have not found a more precise description for him than ''an unbound beast''. He, the infidel, has no restriction, no rule, no morals, no sense, no justice and no justness.

I have talked today in the sermon about this aircraft that crashed in Britain a decade ago. This accident ended by a arbitrating that the party responsible for the crash should pay two billion and seven hundred million dollars because the plane has 270 passengers. The blood-money of every passenger was 10 million dollars, which equals 500 million liras. But as for the one hundred and twenty persons who died two days ago, nothing is for them. Do you see the double standard measures? Do you see the injustice? Someone died, the one responsible for his death should pay 10 million dollars, and it equals 500 hundred Syrian liras. Someone else, a Muslim, died anywhere by a simple mistake, no one moves. No problem, it is only the pilot's mistake.

Dear brother, I wish you will consider this reality: when Muslims degraded Allah's instructions, Allah degraded Muslims themselves. Is there any more humiliation than a Muslim who died priceless?
vHis price is only one bullet. They killed whether he was a child or an adult, and whether he was guilty or non-guilty. A Muslim is dying like sheep hunting, the killer does not know why he kills, nor does the murdered know why he is killed.

Today, a believing Muslim is suffering from what he sees, and he cannot change anything. If he keeps silent, they will humiliate him, and if he talks, they will kill him. Thus, when Muslims degraded Allah's instructions, Allah degraded Muslims themselves. Now there is a good comment. Are Muslims verily valueless to Allah? By Allah, no they are not worthless for Allah. But Allah, All-Mighty, wants to nurture them; when a father hits his son, does that mean that the son is worthless to his father? No, of course. I know that some fathers hit their sons and they suffer more than their sons themselves. But it is inevitable to use this bitter medicine. Now, Muslims are going through extremely severe treatment. If we do not pay attention, wake up, repent, and return back to our religion instructions, to our Quran, to our prophet's tradition, we will have several examinations.

The second meaning of (both desire):

﴾ If you fear breach between them twain, dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family. If they both desire amendment, Allah will cause their reconciliation﴿

The second meaning of [both] in this verse is that it referrs to the two arbiters. It means that if the arbiter wants to amend between the two couples, Allah will help him. By Allah dear brother, and thanks to Allah Almighty, there were hundreds cases of severe discord expected to led to divorce, but when the good righteous brother interfere sincerely, the troubles are settled and matters go on wonderfully. By Allah, tens or hundreds of marital disputes were expected to end with divorce; however, they were settled due to good brother who interfere and judge between the two couples according to Allah's arbitrating. These good brother, the arbiters want to reform this family; thus, Allah helps them. I once met a good brother who was in a terrible dispute with his wife, and the arbiters thought that divorce was necessary. I asked him - this story was ten years ago - and he said to me: ''By Allah, I am the happiest husband.'' He swore by Allah that he was the happiest husband. This is the meaning of:

﴾If they both desire amendment, Allah will cause their reconciliation ﴿

That means: do not use divorce as a primary treatment, but use it in few circumstances. Have you seen the vaporous pot used to cook in?
If you checked its lid, you would find a circle with a plastic piece. When the temperature raises to a high degree to the extent that this pot may explode and kill those surrounding to it, this plastic material melts. When this plastic piece melts, the vapor gets out of the pot.Thus we protect those around this pot from the danger of explosion. This lid, we are talking about, is the valve of security i.e. divorce. When life becomes impossible, and it may end with a crime, then we resort to the decision of divorce.

But as for those who make divorce their first solution, they are idiots. Those husbands who swear the oath of divorce for any trivial reason are fools. If one Sheikh says to you that this divorce oath is correct, another ten sheikhs tell you that this divorce oath is incorrect. You, as a husband, need her, and you have children and she is good not bad; but he justifies his behavior by saying: ''It was a devilish hour and a devilish deed. '' What does he do after that? I assert this disturbing word that this husband ''wanders'' to Muftis 'doors. The Mufti who says to him that this wife is allowed to return the oath is invalid, he, the husband, suspects the Mufti's verdict and piety. Also, when the Mufti rules that this wife is prohibited for her husband, this husband detested him. You are not in need to wander to Muftis 'doors. As far as this wife is acceptable, keep yourself away from divorce. Do whatever you want except divorce. She is your wife, and when you divorce her repeatedly you fall in doubts. At that time, you may say to yourself it is not a lawful marriage but it is adultery.

Dear brother, the state of doubt is unbearable. You do not know whether it is marriage or it is adultery. Three oaths of divorce have taken place. Someone tells you that the third oath does not take place, you become skeptical. That's why Ibn Abbas said: ''Do you do your trivial deed and hurry to me asking for help saying Oh Ibn Abbas, Oh Ibn Abbas.''

Marriage is a great blessing couples should appreciate:

Dear brother, when man does not appreciate the blessing of marriage, Allah may prohibit him from his wife. Also, when the wife does not appreciate the blessing of marriage, Allah may prohibit her from her husband. Marriage is a great blessing. A husband should value the woman that Allah offered to him to protect him [from adultery].This woman satisfies his needs. She is a deposit and a gift offered to him from Allah.The woman also should think that Allah offered her this husband to protect her. She is living a lawful life. He is a great blessing for her. A man enters unto her, protects her, spends money on her and sponsors her and she has children from him. Any woman who mistreats her husband is ungrateful for the blessing of having a husband. Also, any husband who mistreats his wife is ungrateful for the blessing of having a wife. Allah's punishment for this mistreatment may be grave. Man may commit silliness and pays its price for long years. If you are going to do something you must first consider its consequences. Now, if the couple intends reconciliation, Allah will guide them to what is of their well-fare, and if the two arbiters intend reconciliation Allah will support them.

﴾If they both desire amendment, Allah will cause their reconciliation﴿

But scholars differ about a specific point: can the two arbiters apply divorce? Can the two arbiters suggest divorce or khola`a? Really, there is a genial note.When do we move from the internal treatment [i.e. admonishment, desertion and light beating in order] to the external treatment [an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family]? When do we move from here to there? Some scholars said: when the husband does not treat her justly, when he does not forgive her, when he does not pardon her and when he does not divorce her. This is a suspended state. It is one of the most difficult cases. It is called the state of no peace, no war. We live in this state with the Jews since fifty years ago where there is no stability. It is one of the most difficult states in which the society lives. It is the state of no peace no war. It is the state within hell i.e. the most difficult state.

﴾Neither has he died in it, nor does he live﴿

(Surat Taha verse n.74)

If he died, he would be at ease. If he led a comfortable life, he would be happy. But

﴾neither has he died in it nor does he live﴿

means that within the wedlock there is no pardon, no understanding, no cordiality, no divorce, and no forgiveness. He is also not a perfect husband.If she has asked for khola`a, the troubles will come to an end. But she does not ask for khola`a, however, she is not a good wife. She is contentious and at the same time she is residing at home with him. This case is incurable - there is aversion, contentiousness, plotting, rage, enmity, hatred, interactive sharp tongues, and continuous accusation exchanges.This case may end with divorce. Thus we should apply:

﴾Dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family; if they both desire amendment, Allah will cause their reconciliation.﴿

Difference between Khol’, divorce, and segregation:

As the scholars of the explanation of the Quran have said about [both] that it refers to either the two spouses or the two arbiters. But as for

﴾their reconciliation﴿

it refers to the two spouses exclusively. Some scholars said that the two arbiters are permitted to make the decision of khola`a.It means that she asked him for khola`a because she is dissatisfied with him. He is not guilty, and she does not love him, then he has not committed a legal mistake with her but she has not loved him.

The two arbiters may take the decision of khola`a, or they may make the decision of divorce. He has unreasonable complaint from her. There is little hope of reform. The two arbiters may take the decision of charging each of the spouses the responsibility of reducing the other's right.

In jurisprudence, there is khola`a, divorce and segregation.Khola'a is under the wife's request. If she has asked for khola`a, she will get nothing from him. He divorced her, and she returned the garden (i.e. her dowry) back to him. But as for divorce under the request of the husband, such as he wants to change his wife, in this case he has to pay her all her complete rights, and he mustn't restore his gifts presented to her before.
As for segregation, it is applied if there is mutual abuse. A suit of separation is presented to the judge.The judge estimates the extent of the insult from her and he estimates the extent of the insult from him.The judge may rule half of the dowry for her, or the fifth or the tenth, or he may rule for her the whole of the dowry (mahr). Segregation is different from khola`a, and it is different from divorce.

Some scholars said that the two arbiters have the right to issue the decision of khola`a, or divorce or segregation, completely like the judge. Others said that the role of the two arbiters is restricted to reforming between the two couples only, and not to take the decision of divorce.

﴾If they both desire amendment, Allah will cause their reconciliation﴿

That means that the conciliation between the two couples is the only role accepted from the two arbiters.This is another opinion.

﴾Verily Allah is All-Knower and well acquainted with all things.﴿

Speak as you wish, Allah is aware of your deed. Do you do this out of teasing her or it is the real justice? Thus:

﴾If you fear breach between them twain (the husband and the wife), dispatch an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family.If they both desire amendment, Allah- will cause their reconciliation. Verily Allah is All-Knower and well acquainted with all things.﴿

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