The effect of environment in good upbringing:

O' Dear brother, we are on lesson "63" of AlNissa Chapter ( 004), Verse "148". Allah says:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless ( it be) by one to whom injustice has been done, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing﴿

[148-AlNissa]

O' Dear brother, in this verse there is a guidance for the society of believers that is to stay clean and purified, and to stay away from an unpleasant saying. Allah Al mighty shows clearly that:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless ( it be) by one to whom injustice has been done,﴿

[148-AlNissa ]

There is the good example of human safety , speech and talk when he is growing up in a controlled, behaving environment. That is when a son is growing up in a family that controls its tongue (doesn’t curse). This son will never say a bad word in his lifetime. The family with the purified, controlled tongue and deeds is a reflection of the purity and straight guidance on its members. And, when a son grows up in an uncontrolled family environment , then he will speak in an unnaturally filthy way. So, the family tongue's speaking environment is very effective on its members. Sometimes, the son grows up in a clean, controlled and well-behaved family and suddenly the father hears a bad word spoken by his son! And, he looks for its origin: where did it come from? Who taught him that speech? He finds that his son has heard it from some badly behaved kid in the street or from a similar classmate.

In Allah's way of life, He Almighty, wants us to grow up in a clean, purified and controlled behavioral environment:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless ( it be) by one to whom injustice, ﴿

[148-AlNissa.]

Control of speech is a characteristic of the believers:

O' dear brother, you might deal with someone who is a believer for many years, and this might exceed thirty years without hearing any filthy or bad word from him. That is to say: one of descriptions of faith is to control the speech. That is what has been revealed to us through one companion asking the Prophet of Allah (peace & blessing be upon him):

﴾O' prophet of Allah, are we answerable for what we have spoken? O' Muaz, your mother will pk you, are there more than what people throw on their faces and noses in hellfire? It's their return as a result of what they have collected from their tongue's speech…﴿

[narrated by Termezi, Ibn Majeh and Hakim with the two chaikhs condition]

A servant's faith cannot be straight unless his heart is righteous, and his heart cannot be straight unless his tongue is righteous, and control of the tongue is the believer's description and specification.

O' Dear brother, he will survive who ever counts his speech as a deed, because a person who says a word without accounting for it, falls in hellfire for seventy autumns. One believing woman’s slander will corrupt one year work. Sometimes, one joke can frustrate a party and take the attendee's feelings to places that they had never before been to. Thus, A believer is not a cussing or filthy person. Filthy speech cannot be said by the believer. He doesn't say it not because it's filthy talk, but because it's bad manners. Yes, the servant is Suhaib, if he doesn't fear Allah then he will disobey. A human self sometimes rises up to the level of religious legislation, so if that talk is not forbidden then he will say it. That is the servant Suhaib; if he doesn't fear Allah then he will disobey him.

Allah permits the believer to defend himself if someone speaks badly of him:

The first point, O' dear brother: We speak out of what we hear. If we hear the truth then we speak it, if we hear the champions stories then we speak them, if we hear the stories of those who went astray, then we speak them, if we hear the stories of injustice then we speak them, and if we hear the stories of disobedience then we speak them. The active scholars stories, the pirate stories, the great leader stories, all of those were our direct example to follow. But, one thing that is very dangerous is for the speech to be bad, and Allah al mighty wanted to purify this society from a faulty environment.

But Allah is the best knower. He knows that the human self will be in pain when it is hurt, and when it is hurt, it will avenge , and because this Quran is the ward of the best Knower. He says:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless (it be) by one to whom injustice, ﴿

[148-AlNissa,]

Someone verbally attacks on you, hurts you, and accuses you of what you are not, so you, as a human, will not accept someone's hurt without avenging for the truth, and the same is true when you are accused of injustice, for Allah Almighty has granted his believer to take revenge for his rights:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless ( it be) by one to whom injustice,﴿

[148-AlNissa, ]

…thus, the scholars of legislation have granted the wronged person to sue his injustice claim to a court's judge by telling his true story, without any back biting account. So, when you tell your injustice story to a liberal judge then you've got to say the truth of what exactly he said even though it's a filthy term , you are not blamed for that because you are getting back your rights:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless ( it be) by one to whom injustice,﴿

[148-AlNissa ]

In Allah we seek refuge, sometimes you may set down with some people who talk about sex, and all of their speech is related to the lower part of human, and people like those with very cheap talk are very far from faith. Also, we regret to say that some people who inhabit mosques use inferior terms in their jokes that a human would feel shy when listening to them alone.

Limits for those who want to take their right:

So how in total:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless ( it be) by one to whom injustice,﴿

[148-AlNissa,]

The verse is very wide. It is forbidden to say a shameless word, whether it was back biting , slanderous or as a joke for people to laugh. The bad speech that might hurt or seduce people is forbidden, that is a rule by religion legislation. That is true after you raise yourself up and connect with Allah Almighty, after you dye yourself with Allah's dye and you are well elevated to Allah, then your speech is away from any downgraded word. It is not forbidden sometimes, but we say that a person's self has become elevated to the level of religious legislation.
O' Dear brother, but when you try getting your lawful right, there are restrictions. Allah says:

﴾Whoever then acts aggressively against you, inflict injury on him according to the injury he has inflicted on you﴿

[194-AlBaqara]

When you say: “I shall double measure his inflicted injury”, that isn't lawful. Or when you say: “I shall ten-times measure that inflicted injury”, that is also ignorant talk. Allah says:

﴾And the recompense of evil is a punishment like it,﴿

[40-AlShoura]

Those who forgive sh3er have high rank with Allah:

But a person may find a very harsh difficulty getting back his complete rights, and if cautious, he might increase so he might fall into injustice. For that, Allah Almighty has opened for us the door of forgiveness: forgiveness is better. So when you find difficulty in getting back your right as much as the injustice that was inflicted on you, the forgiveness is better for you, and Allah wants you instead to shed forgiveness on your brother. It was related in the purified tradition saying: "On judgment day , two men will be in disagreement with each other. One says: “O' Lord, take my injustice from my brother”, then he will look and see a palace in paradise. He says: “To whom does this palace belong?” Allah says: “To whoever pays the price for it”. The reply: “O ' Lord, and who is capable of paying that price?” Allah says: “You.” The man replies: “How?” Allah says: “By forgiving your brother.”

When you forgive your brother, you actually raise yourself up to the highest rank. The rank of forgiveness exceeds the limited imagination. The forgiveness stage is a very high rank, and the feeling that you get when you forgive is many times more pleasurable than your feeling when you get revenge. A person can be small in the vision of Allah when he seeks revenge, but he is great in the vision of Allah when he forgives.
O' Dear brother, the people of Mecca punished the companions ( May Allah be pleased with them ) for twenty years, not exempting any harassment without applying it upon them, fighting many times against him; but, when Mecca was concurred and ten thousands swords were pointed at the people of Mecca awaiting one word from prophet Mohammed ( peace & blessing be upon him ), asking: “What are you thinking I am going to do with you?” They replied: “A dear brother and the son of a dear brother”. He said: “Go and you are free!” This is done after having the full control of doing with them whatever he pleases. He said: “Go and you are free.” Allah grants you the chance of taking you right from inflicted injustice , as an obligatory lawful action, and forgiveness is a volunteered action, and don't forget that you are obligated to do good as well as justice. This is supported by a verse that mosque preachers have repeated for hundreds of years:

﴾Surly Allah enjoins the doing of justice and the doing of good (to sh3er),﴿

[90-AlNahl ]

Also, you are obligated to do justice as well as good. To do justice is obligatory and to do good is volunteer. Allah did not obligate one's self to more than it deserves, whether you want to revenge or to take your inflicted injustice right, you are obligated to be exact and perfect with your action without any increase. For this, Allah Almighty has kept the door of forgiveness opened for you.

O' Dear brother, sometimes it seems that people feel comfortable when taking back their rights. That is a specification of one's self creation. The religious legislation isn't for a few people nor for one kind of them. Rather, it is for people in general. There is some person who cannot feel comfort unless he takes back his inflicted injustice right. Yes, it is your right. Allah says:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless (it be) by one to whom injustice,﴿

[148-AlNissa]

The purpose of allowing people to take their right:

But what is the purpose of Allah allowing the person upon whom injustice was inflicted to publicly announce his injustice case? Because the unjust person's action of aggression will better for people to know , so they avoid contact with him. So there is a wise social judgment upon this inflicted injustice person , or thief or aggressor. When he is mentioned among people, then people will avoid his dealings, and so the whole society will be aware of his wrongdoings.

Now there is a third wisdom: when that aggressor’s wrongdoings appear to society and his action is well-publicized, that might stop his action and before his next action he might count to one hundred, because he knows that if he inflicts injustice again he is going to face publicity again. So, the wisdom of Allah:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless ( it be) by one to whom injustice,﴿

[148-AlNissa]

The person inflicted with injustice will feel comfortable when taking back his right, and people will ignore the unjust person’s trade once again. And also, this publicized judgment on the unjust person will be a good example for like people to be aware of transaction with their society before walking on the street again. Then the religious legislation is unlimited, and no matter how much a person is clever when hitting two birds with one stone throw, but Allah Almighty reaches many goals with one legislation. So, the one who is inflicted unjustly took back his right, the society is getting its protection from such an unjust person and when the unjust person sees his outcomes he will stop continuing his walk of injustice. That reminds us of Allah’s saying:

﴾And there is life for you in (the law of ) retaliation, O men of understanding , that you may guard yourselves﴿

[179- AlBaqara ]

When the killer kills, another killer sees his outcome before attempting to kill, so he doesn't kill. He saves himself from attempting to kill and saves the other from getting killed. It is as though killing he who kills is a purification for society and a new life for it.

Muslims are honorable, they don’t let sh3er to abuse them:

Once, I saw in the criminal court a verse placed over the judge's head for the criminal to see. It said:

﴾And there is life for you in (the law of) retaliation, O men of understanding, that you may guard yourselves﴿

[179- AlBaqara ]

…and another verse was placed over criminal's head for judge to see, saying:

﴾And that when you judge between people you judge with justice,﴿

[58-AlNissa. ]

So that is a forward order for the judge, and a purification for the criminal’s heart when he receives punishment.

Now, this verse:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless (it be) by one to whom injustice,﴿

[148-AlNissa]

…reminds us with another verse:

﴾And those who, when great wrong afflicts them, defend themselves﴿

[39-AlShoura]

A Muslim who receives injustice with acceptance, and is afraid of talking for getting back his rights, is not a wise Muslim. Allah says:

﴾And those who, when great wrong afflicts them, defend themselves﴿

[39-AlShoura]

Because Muslims are honorable, Allah allows them to take their right:

The Muslim is a proud person that doesn't allow sh3er to over-punish him, because that is a representation of his Islamic religion, and when a Muslim is in direct aggression that is a direct transfer to his religion. We can see this very clearly in our present world. Muslims individuals aren't the ones the aggression is directed against - their Islamic religion is. There are a very bad doings practiced against Muslims but it is actually a practice against Islam. For that , a Muslim in the vision of Allah should at all times stay proud, not accepting aggression against him but to be victorious. Allah says:

﴾And on that day the believers shall rejoice (4)with the victory of Allah,﴿

[4-5 AlRoum ]

…and then the verse:

﴾And those who, when great wrong afflicts them, defend themselves﴿

[39-AlShoura ]

…but the problem exists if they are victorious:

﴾And the recompense of evil is punishment like it,﴿

[40-AlShoura, ]

and then, Allah draws believers attention and says:

﴾but whoever forgives and amends, he shall have his reward from Allah, ﴿

[40-AlShoura]

There is a special soft touch to this verse. When you think that forgiveness to your brother is in favor of bettering his status, then you are, as a believer, obligated to forgive him, save him from his continuous troubled life. Then Allah will reward you. If a king said to someone: “I will give you something you'll be satisfied with”, what the king will give? The king gives a pencil, a house… at least a house. I say this to clear things up: when Allah says:

﴾,but whoever forgives and amends, he shall have his reward from Allah,﴿

[40-AlShoura ]

That means: O' my servant I will take care of your prize when you forgive your brother, and when come nearer to Allah. A child can be careless, hurting himself by jumping before some passing car. The father then has the right to legislate in favor of his son's case, but if the car driver isn't at fault and the father forgives him, this will confirm to the driver that in the believer's society, there is one who understands the situation, is merciful and is forgiving. When the condition of your forgiveness to your brother is in favor of correcting his status and getting him nearer to Allah, then you must forgive. This deed is rewarding the prize. O' brother, forgiveness is a very high stage.

Some stories about the Prophet’s forgiveness of sh3er:

The tradition books narrate that Thumama Ben Athall, was the greatest enemy to the Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him). He wasn't just an enemy in his thinking, but he was also aggressive against the prophet's companions, with severe aggression. Once, he was in captivity and when he was presented before the Prophet (peace & blessing be upon him ) - he is a leader of his tribe - they told the Prophet: “This is Thumama.” They tied him to the mosque's pillar. The Prophet
( peace & blessing be upon him ) passed by him saying: “O' Thumama what do you have”? Thumama said: “If you forgive you will forgive an aggressor, if you kill you will kill a sinner and if you want money then you will have whatever you want”. That is a good saying. Then prophet ordered his men to pass him some food from his own house. On the second day, the prophet again passed by saying: “O' Thumama, what do you have?” Thumama replied: “If you forgive you will forgive an aggressor, if you kill you will kill a sinner and if you want money then you will have whatever you want”. The third day: the Prophet (peace & blessing be upon him ) released his prisoner. Thumama then went to city center, washed himself and returned to the Prophet (peace & blessing be upon him) saying: “I bear witness that you are the messenger of Allah”. The prophet's forgiveness was the cause of Thumama's entering Islam, even though he had done severe harm to the companions (may Allah be pleased upon them).
The prophet ( peace & blessing be upon him ) is a distinguished scholar. He turns an enemy into a friend, and other people who are foolish turn a friend into an enemy. The perfect man can turn an enemy into a friend.

Another man came to the Prophet ( peace & blessing be upon him), who the prophet forgave, and said: “I swear to Allah that there wasn't on the earth’s surface any man more hated to me than you, your religion and your town. I leave your place now and there isn't on the earth surface a more loved man to me than you, your religion and your town. The case makes people love your religion, not being harsh.

﴾And had you been rough, hard hearted, they would certainly have dispersed from around you,﴿

[159-Al Imran]

Muslims should prefer forgiveness to revenge:

The master of creatures , the beloved of justice, the one who brought miracles, the one who brought the Quran, the messenger's angel revealed onto him in the most classical tongue of all times…the beautiful face and the perfection. He is the man who was sent revelation, and miracles and fluent tongue. He is the wise, the merciful and the gentle to whom the angel said: “O' Mohammed:

﴾And had you been rough, hard hearted, they would certainly have dispersed from around you,﴿

[159-AL Imran]

So, if one of us isn't a prophet or a messenger, with no revelation or Quran or miracles or beautiful face or fluent tongue (but rather rough), then what would be the outcome?

﴾And had you been rough , hard hearted , they would certainly have dispersed from around you, pardon them therefore and ask forgiveness for them, and take counsel with them in the affair,﴿

[159-AL Imran ]

O' brother: This verse is very accurate:

﴾And those who, when great wrong afflicts them, defend themselves﴿

[39-ALShoura, ]

…and when they are victorious:

﴾Recompense of evil is punishment like it, but whoever pardons and amends,﴿

[40-ALShoura, ]

That is correcting your brother's status with your pardon

﴾he shall have his reward from Allah,﴿

[40-ALShoura]

Difference between the morals of fighting and the morals of calling to Allah

Be inclined more towards pardon than to revenge. Sometimes, O' dear brother, the ethics of the jihad will interfere with the ethics of defense. The ethics of defense are organized in the verse:

﴾O' Prophet strive hard against the unbelievers and the hypocrites, and be harsh against them,﴿

[Al-Tawba-73]

In combat , there is no leniency, no thanks , no apology and no “forgive me”. Combat is fighting, and that is the ethic of fighting, but the ethic of the missionary is:

﴾He between whom and you was enmity would be as if he were a warm friend﴿

[34-Fusillat]

We must distinguish between fighting and missionary ethics. Now, if you were offended by your brother then you may have three levels: one is to take back your right and there is no blame on you , it's the nature of the human's self. But Allah wants you to raise yourself higher. He said:

﴾And those who restrain their anger,﴿

[134-ALImran ]

You are boiling like a boiler, but you have absorbed your anger. That is a level:

﴾ And those who restrain their anger,﴿

[134-ALImran ]

A person, in many cases will be much stronger than the one who is harsher to him, and he can demolish him if he does not control himself. It was related by Abu Hurirah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet of Allah (peace & blessing be upon him) said:

﴾Belief is a surrendered punishment that is not to punish a believer.﴿

[narrated by Abu Dawwoud & Hakim in Mustadrak.]

﴾Stages of forgiveness:﴿

In Islamic history, there are magnificent heroes. When master Salah al Din conquered Jerusalem, he did not kill one person, while when the Westerners conquered Jerusalem they killed seventy thousands people in a few days. For that
"the pardon" is a very high level.

1. Those who restrain their anger:

It starts:

﴾ And those who restrain their anger,﴿

[134-ALImran ]

You may be boiling as a boiler but control yourself. As it was revealed by the prophet ( peace & blessing be upon him): "Belief is a surrendered punishment that is not to punish a believer " revealed by Abu Dawood & Hakim in Mustadrak. What is the difference between a controlled and uncontrolled believer ? The uncontrolled will punish twice as much as he was punished as a reverse obligation, but the controlled believer has wisdom , and will pardon received punishment so he can be raised on Allah's scale. And, with his pardon he can help correct his brother’s conduct. The pardon then is a great door.
Another case: after anger is repressed,

2. Those who forgive sh3er:

Allah said in the same verse:

﴾And those who pardon people.﴿

[134-ALImran ]

There is no hate and pain in his heart, and every time a person's faith strengthens, his anger and need for revenge decreases. He sees Allah's hand is at an unseen work , and that he who abuses him is doing so with Allah’s allowance. Then that person has some problem with Allah. So, the believer is always judging himself, when he is getting injustice from somebody he asks himself: “What have I done with Allah so that He sends that person's injustice upon me?” Some scholars say: “I know my status level from my wife manners, when she is sometimes easy going or difficult. From logical faith, the believer 's faith gets him to debate somebody's injustice upon him by thinking about his level of faith and his relation with Allah. So, he is inclined to pardon because of his faith.

3. Those who do good to sh3er:

But, there is a rank which is higher than those who restrain their anger and those who pardon people. That rank is:

﴾ And Allah loves the doers of good (to sh3er﴿

[134-ALImran ]

Could you face somebody's wrongdoing with forgiveness? As he is a beloved brother, that is the faith. O' Brother, to that, I swear to Allah, if the honored companions understood Islam as we do now, then Islam wouldn't have gone out of Mecca. How did Islam reach all places of earth, East to China, West to the Atlantic, North to Azerbaijan and South to Yemen ? That is because the prophet's companions (may Allah please upon them) were of the highest level of manners. It's a case of faith, a case of manners, different ranks of manners. Faith is a scientific matter, faith is a beauty matter, faith characterized man as unique. In a correct explanation, man is a unique personality; he has very beautiful, elegant, and measured values, manners and science. It has the rank of science, manner and beauty:

﴾And those who restrain their anger, And those who pardon people, And Allah loves the doers of good (to sh3er﴿

[134-ALImran.]

The Greatest blessing is the Allah with us:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless it be by one to whom injustice has been done, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing﴿

[148-ALNessa, ]

Allah Almighty hears your speech when you speak, and knows your situation when you're silent. Some have said: “All praise is due to Allah for His existence.” How many people are there? Allah Knows if a person is oppressed and He will make him victorious and defend him, and the great blessing for us is that Allah is with us. He sees and knows:

﴾He knows the secret, and what is yet more hidden﴿

[07-Taha ]

Allah Almighty says:

﴾, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing﴿

[148-ALNissa, ]

Say what you want, seek revenge as you want and pardon as you want. If you pardon He knows, if you avenge He knows, if you increased your scale of revenge He knows, and if you did not pardon when you were able to do so, He knows:

﴾, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing﴿

[148-ALNissa,]

The gate of forgiveness is so big:

Then Allah Almighty said:

﴾If you do good openly or do it in secret or pardon an evil, then surly Allah is pardoning, powerful﴿

[149-ALNissa, ]

You have presented a good deed to somebody who abused you. This deed is kept with Allah. I heard a story that I have told many times. It is not a religious legislation but it represents a status of forgiveness. The story begins with a Damascus’ mosque preacher who dreamt he saw the Prophet (peace & blessing be upon him). He said to him: "Tell your neighbor so & so that he will be my companion in paradise.” This preacher felt upset – “Why was this not for me? I am the preacher and it is for somebody else, for my neighbor?” He knocked on his neighbor’s door telling him: “You have good news from the messenger of Allah (peace & blessing be upon him), but I am not going to tell it unless you describe to me what you have done for Allah so that you have deserved this good news. When he insisted , the neighbor said: “I married a woman, and I thought she was faithful, and in the fifth month of marriage she was at the peak of her pregnancy; so, that child was not mine, it belonged to somebody else ! I could've divorced her, announced her status or kicked her with my foot etc., but instead, I decided to help her repent. So, I brought her the home nurse and carried her child hidden under my gown with me to one of Damascus’ mosques at the early morning prayer, and after the imam announced his prayer he left the child behind the door and prayed with the imam. After prayer had finished the baby started to cry so people surrounded him and the neighbor was among them ignoring the situation and asking: “What is happening?” They said: “ He is a found baby.” He said: “I will take him, I can adopt him. He took the baby and returned him to his mother. Not all the revenge can get you good deeds, sometimes the pardon , the unseen and the repentance can. When wrong steps are taken , and repentance has happened then he has his return of good deeds, Allah alone Knows its weight. It is easy to seek revenge , publicize and unveil the story, but Allah will keep it veiled. So that neighbor was convinced of that woman's sin. She was a good girl but she took a wrong step; she announced her repentance and the neighbor helped her out by acceptance. He returned her baby to her and before the residents of his town he announced his adoption of that baby. The Prophet (peace & blessing be upon him) told the preacher of that Damascus mosque: "Tell your neighbor that he will be my companion in paradise."

The door of pardon is very wide. For this, we go back to beginning of the verse:

﴾Allah does not love the public utterance of hurtful speech, unless it be by one to whom injustice has been done, and Allah is Hearing, Knowing ﴿

[148-ALNissa]

and

﴾If you do good openly or do it in secret or pardon an evil , then surly Allah is pardoning , powerful﴿

[149-ALNissa. ]